Remembering to Remember

It is 4pm on the 14th of November 2014 - exactly 5 years since my partner Jack passed on and entered back into the cosmos. Funny how time comes and goes and in different degrees. This year seemed to loom a little more ominous than past one. Perhaps it is that I am remembering things more clearly than I did in the last years of seemingly endless sorrow.

I have adjusted, kind of, to my new life and have even found a new partner, who brings me great joy and happiness. So what is it that lingers in my soul to bring me these sometimes feelings of sadness and remorse?

I believe it is merely the fact that I am still, and always will be, in love with Jack - and should be after all those years of sharing and togetherness. It would be a sin to think that I could or should put those feeling away and forget that which has brought me such joy, and to who I am.

The challenge however, is to not let the feelings of the past perfect interfere with the new and profound feelings of the now!

The past perfect was just that and it will forever influence my feelings, like it or not. But the future is and must be lived in the present and I for one find it present perfect for me.

So thank you again Jack for your love without reservation, and thank you Chadwick for your ever growing love and understanding of who and what I am.

Life can and must be lived in the past, present and future perfect, if not they are all diminished!

The Twilight Place

Last night I dreamt of a twilight place

Where book lined shelves held empty space.

A withering tree stood tall in grace,

Reaching up to the sky through a ceiling break.

As the light came in and illuminated this scene, the call of a blue bird resounded and it's song was sweet to all that had seen.

Be strong my children it seemed to say, tomorrow is coming to rescue today. As the fresh air of fall caressed the room, both summer and winter joined into the tune.

They all sang together and the light did ignite to conjure up energies long held tight. A beautiful moment in time and with grace brought the springtime of wisdom to live in this place.

Stand tall my children and follow the sun, the call of the blue bird will guide you to one. Be one with nature, be one with the sun. Be one with each other and tomorrow will be won.

Electric Energy

There is something that all living species have in common. It is called electric energy and perhaps it is the one thing that keeps us a connected, like it or not. When energy is transferred there is warmth and light that can be seen and felt, and a feeling of static in the atmosphere. 

When I first saw the above picture by Robert Buelteman from his colletion of "electrocuted plants and flowers" I couldn't help but think how beautiful the passing of energy through life can be!

In the fall when the trees turn their awesome colors and become resplendent in their transition of life back to pure energy, there is a sense of glory in their loss that makes the moment  joyous in fact.

So as fall casts it's magical spell and the earth changes it's wardrobe once again I sit back and embrace the universe in all it's wondrous intricacies, to weave reality from nothingness and to harvest it again in it's prime so that we may all be apart of it's tapestry!

The Yin & Yang of It All

There is a Chinese philosophy called Yin-Yang. It literally means "shadow and light". According to this concept polar opposites or seemingly contrary forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world. They give rise to each other in turn in relation to each other. It is the natural balance which keeps the universe in tact.

I have noticed lately with my own life how balance works to keep me healthy and happy. It is such a simple concept but can be extremely hard to accomplish. Like anything else however, if we practice balance everyday it can become second nature.

Perhaps if everyone could become more practiced at Yin-Yang there would be no sickness, no more poverty, and certainly no more war. Wouldn't it be wonderful to wake up one morning to a sun lite day where all is in balance and everyone is happy?

It can start by merely taking a few moments every morning and  telling ourselves that today is the day that we will accomplish just one thing to make ourselves happy and to pass that happiness on to one other person. It can become quite infectious indeed. Maybe politicians and corporate executives might even give it a try, what a concept!

Now there is a danger that too much happiness could cause a world wide epidemic of bliss and contentment, and that would disturb the natural order of greed and misery. But I think it is worth a try, don't you?

Ah November!

Now that Halloween has come and gone, we enter the solemn month of November. November first is also the Day of The Dead. As a friend just reminded me "November is the month of - astrologically speaking - sex, death and regeneration". It is the late Harvest and a time of celebration and remembrance.

In two weeks it will be the third anniversary of the passing of my long time companion, my partner in life for twenty eight years, and my soul mate for eternity. I can't believe that it has been that long. But you know what else I can't believe? I can't believe that I have been able to go on with my life and actually find happiness with another again. It is not that I will ever forget my years with Jack, they now sweep over me in waves of joy and happiness. Nor will I ever lose sense of his gentle presence around me. At the same time however I have a new energy in my life that only adds notes to my song. Chadwick is the regeneration of my journey. He is the reanimation of a life once stalled.

As the November snows begin and the winter fires are lit, there will be a new spark that illuminates the darkness and makes it a warm and cozy place to live again. Let the joyous celebrations begin and let the fires be lit so that we may all come together in love and peace.

A Day Such As This

It is on days such as this that I understand what life is meant to be. Late October Indian Summer and the trees ablaze with golden sunlight. The world seems to be lazily basking in a moment of mesmerizingly magnificence and for the moment all is well in the universe. There will of course be other days of that dazzle, but for now this one is most profound.


I wish that I could gather all my feeling of joy into one place and lock them away so that I might visit them when needed. But to do so would diminish them because they would be expected. Rather to see every day in it's own glory for every day does indeed have it's moment of joy. We just have to be aware to look for them.

So I will cherish this day and hold it dear, as if it where a once in a lifetime occurrence because it is unique indeed on to itself and I am part of it.

A Summers Morning

On a sun burned morning in July I catch myself staring out at my lush, sequestered deck. The plantings and ivy covering the lattice and railings make it a secret garden with the Ash and Cherry Trees forming a perfect arch from which to view the world around me as if looking out from my castle window.

At 7am in the morning it is a perfect spot to sit and reflect on life both now and past. On other summer days I can remember being rather more rushed with little or no time to enjoy this splendid place. But now it seems that time is more precious and reflections more deep.

The air is thick with morning dew and the gentle morning breeze is a welcomed relief. The silence is broken by the song of a robin, one of a pair that have lived with me for some time now making the grounds their home. Then the distant sound of footsteps and the roar of milk truck delivering goods to the grocery store tell me that it is time to awake and join the world once more. That is until tomorrow when the secret garden returns and I can bask in my remembrances again.