Seasons of the Mind

Didn't see that one coming ...

I thought that I had set the course once again and that time would steer me gently into the new direction that I so desperately needed to sail. How juvenile was that?

Things never proceed in one single direction. As a matter of fact life is a totally scattered and messy lot. If you ever think that you know where tomorrow is, think again because it will be elsewhere. Maybe that is what makes it so interesting and so frustrating at the same time.

Once upon a time a long, long time ago I thought that I had figured out what it was that I really wanted out of life but then in the next instant all was gone. Just as a plant or flower leans toward the light we, the same sun worshipers, look to the direction of the warm and nourishing light.

What then is it that calls us to the effort, to the task, to the desire that makes us flesh?

Perhaps it is nothing more than that ecstatic instant when energy becomes love, and that love in turn fulfills us and makes us whole and one.

Being the hopeless romantic I can only hope that life is just that. A reoccurring dream of fulfillment that gently leads us on to the next adventure which will be a reaffirmation of the adventures that have brought us thus far and comfort us in the long nights ahead.

Tide Pools

I was lucky enough recently to spend some time on my cousins boat off the coast of Maine. Strange how time can move sideways when you are in a state of complete relaxation. I hadn't been to Maine in also most 40 years, although I had planned to so many times, so this was another item that I could check off the "bucket list".

While sipping cocktails in the salon and talking of nautical adventures one evening, the topic of tide pools came up. You know the little craters of sea water that are left after the tide recedes. The pools contain tiny and microscopic creatures which exist in an isolated suspension until the next tide comes in to free them. During their time in this calm I wondered what they might be feeling in their new surrounds.The pools while providing a rest bit from the vast expanses of ocean can become a trap as well.

Our lives I think have such pools. When washed out of the norm and swept into a new and different situation we are just the same as the creatures of the pool, left to ponder our existence and it's survival.

Once I thought that I could be happy in such a state of suspension but I have found since that it is not possible. We seem to exist because we must, as if the universe itself is calling us to task, and it is. Of course there are "time outs" in this massive mess of molecules colliding but there is also the need to jump back in and swim again in order stay in step with the tides.

As my short rest bit ended I noticed myself anxiously gearing up for the next tide. And even though my time away was wonderful and even precious, the dawn of the new day was more intoxicating, beckoning me on to swim again in the large and daunting tides of life and feel their
energy ...

Tides and Torrents

Does anybody know exactly where they are at any given moment? I don't! Well maybe let's just say that I'm not where I would like to be, but maybe I am where I should or need to be. When in the world are we really ever where we want to be? I have often thought from one year to another that I am there, only to realize in another instant that I am no where near where I thought that I wanted to be. Ergo, how does one come to know where they are and what they want to be and just exactly when does that moment occur?

About one year ago I was sure that my life had reached it's full potential and that things could never get any better, and I was right. But in the next instant I found myself spiraling into the depth of a depression that threatened to consume me and everything that I had learned to hold dear. What then was the pivot on which my life turned in order to make this kind of reasoning valid? I determined that everything that life that had brought me, to the day, had been chronicled in my being. Every touch and taste, every smell and embrace had taken me to the place that I called perfection. But for every "nirvana" attained there is also a promise of another to be conquered. Eventually we must finally reach the ultimate nirvana which is very simply just our own self realization. Many sages and poets over the years have hinted at one cosmic fact - we, and the universe, only exist because we choose to accept it and therefore give it relevance. Should we choose to ignore our reality than where would we be?

As the summer turns to fall and the sun light changes its angle signaling another season it is then that I take the time to reflect on the victories and failures of the last year. A moment to bring myself to a precipice from which I can view the valleys and mountains, the tides and the torrents that I have sculpted and read their rhythms. Like looking into a maze from above I can see the beginning and the end and most of the paths involved in getting there. To meditate on my memories and to hush my hopes and fears long enough to hear the sounds of the universe, and to take charge of my journey through it. We are all children of time and being such must make the time to feel it. And if we do I think we will find there is no limit to it. Yesterday is just today later, and today is eventually tomorrow, but tomorrow is of our making because of the past. The best part however is that tomorrow is forever. Listen to the calm ...