The Clouds of November



The skies of November bring us a transcendent moment when souls can pass energies back and forth from earth to the cosmos and beyond.

It is in this magical month that the universe seems to open to us, and allow us to view the inner most secrets of it's awesome magnitude.

The sun has all but left us for a time and the crystal cold clouds envelope our souls it is a moment of final reflection before the winter solstice signals the rebirth.

So let us sing the songs of the ancient Druids as in the Celtic Age and perform the ritual of oak and mistletoe so that we may live forever in the reincarnation.

Happy Christmas Tide!

Here's Johny!

I have always said that if you really want to know how to live life then get involved in it.


Not that you must become totally immersed in it, after all we all need to come up for air on occasion, but you must know how others celebrate life before you can enjoy your own - the kinda what not to do approach I think.

While watching the goings on at the mall shops and restaurants this season, I realized that I am lucky to have experienced these moments of total euphoria and, dare I say pandemonium. Now I can return to my somewhat sequestered life and enjoy the tranquility knowing that others are more than doing my part in this holiday mayhem.

There is something about sitting at home and sipping an eggnog or apple martini with your partner and a few close friends in front of a cozy fire - few being the operative word here. Whether at home in Chicago or in Hide A Way, Texas life is good as long as you are in control.

I guess being an air sign makes a difference. My partner Chadwick is a Taurus, an earth sign, and is of course very comfortable around crowds of people. He loves the thrill of shopping, theatre, entertaining and all. This is good because being Aquarian I tend to retreat from humanity at times so it helps to have a partner who can stir the fire every now and then and I feel that I keep him grounded and happy. We complement each other very well indeed.

So, i guess what I am saying is, while it is important to participate in life and to live it fully, it is equally important to know yourself and how much of life you really want or need to sample as well.

A Hide A Way Morning

Over the river and through the woods, to our Hide A Way Cabin we go ...

With the magic of All Hallows Eve still swirling in our rear view mirror, and the electric energy of a bitterly contested election crackling around us like lightning from a passing Tyler thunder storm. It is refreshing to find peace and solace in the dappled sunshine of East Texas - of all places. To wake up to the silence of a Thanksgiving Eve morning at the Cabin with the only sounds breaking the silence being a few wild birds and the occasional Fox or brown squirrel scurrying through the under brush.

After all the threats of succession and the oaths of revenge begin to evaporate back into the atmosphere from whence they came, a strong but calming voice is heard that is the denouement of the main event. Barbara Bush, grand lady of the Republican Party, offers up her sage word's of wisdom "People spoke. Move on, get on with it. I want to do other things and not be ugly". 

There is something about being in the belly of a firestorm that somehow diffuses it. Kind of like being in the eye of a tornado I think. If you can withstand the clutter going on around you than you have a pretty good chance of surviving the ordeal itself.

So on this very special Thanksgiving Day, let us all hope for unity and understanding so that we may mend our wounds and heal our country. After all is said and done we are   still going to have compromise if we expect to survive and prosper as the great nation we are ...

A most Happy Thanksgiving to one and all - y'all!

Remembering to Remember

It is 4pm on the 14th of November 2014 - exactly 5 years since my partner Jack passed on and entered back into the cosmos. Funny how time comes and goes and in different degrees. This year seemed to loom a little more ominous than past one. Perhaps it is that I am remembering things more clearly than I did in the last years of seemingly endless sorrow.

I have adjusted, kind of, to my new life and have even found a new partner, who brings me great joy and happiness. So what is it that lingers in my soul to bring me these sometimes feelings of sadness and remorse?

I believe it is merely the fact that I am still, and always will be, in love with Jack - and should be after all those years of sharing and togetherness. It would be a sin to think that I could or should put those feeling away and forget that which has brought me such joy, and to who I am.

The challenge however, is to not let the feelings of the past perfect interfere with the new and profound feelings of the now!

The past perfect was just that and it will forever influence my feelings, like it or not. But the future is and must be lived in the present and I for one find it present perfect for me.

So thank you again Jack for your love without reservation, and thank you Chadwick for your ever growing love and understanding of who and what I am.

Life can and must be lived in the past, present and future perfect, if not they are all diminished!

The Twilight Place

Last night I dreamt of a twilight place

Where book lined shelves held empty space.

A withering tree stood tall in grace,

Reaching up to the sky through a ceiling break.

As the light came in and illuminated this scene, the call of a blue bird resounded and it's song was sweet to all that had seen.

Be strong my children it seemed to say, tomorrow is coming to rescue today. As the fresh air of fall caressed the room, both summer and winter joined into the tune.

They all sang together and the light did ignite to conjure up energies long held tight. A beautiful moment in time and with grace brought the springtime of wisdom to live in this place.

Stand tall my children and follow the sun, the call of the blue bird will guide you to one. Be one with nature, be one with the sun. Be one with each other and tomorrow will be won.

Electric Energy

There is something that all living species have in common. It is called electric energy and perhaps it is the one thing that keeps us a connected, like it or not. When energy is transferred there is warmth and light that can be seen and felt, and a feeling of static in the atmosphere. 

When I first saw the above picture by Robert Buelteman from his colletion of "electrocuted plants and flowers" I couldn't help but think how beautiful the passing of energy through life can be!

In the fall when the trees turn their awesome colors and become resplendent in their transition of life back to pure energy, there is a sense of glory in their loss that makes the moment  joyous in fact.

So as fall casts it's magical spell and the earth changes it's wardrobe once again I sit back and embrace the universe in all it's wondrous intricacies, to weave reality from nothingness and to harvest it again in it's prime so that we may all be apart of it's tapestry!

The Yin & Yang of It All

There is a Chinese philosophy called Yin-Yang. It literally means "shadow and light". According to this concept polar opposites or seemingly contrary forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world. They give rise to each other in turn in relation to each other. It is the natural balance which keeps the universe in tact.

I have noticed lately with my own life how balance works to keep me healthy and happy. It is such a simple concept but can be extremely hard to accomplish. Like anything else however, if we practice balance everyday it can become second nature.

Perhaps if everyone could become more practiced at Yin-Yang there would be no sickness, no more poverty, and certainly no more war. Wouldn't it be wonderful to wake up one morning to a sun lite day where all is in balance and everyone is happy?

It can start by merely taking a few moments every morning and  telling ourselves that today is the day that we will accomplish just one thing to make ourselves happy and to pass that happiness on to one other person. It can become quite infectious indeed. Maybe politicians and corporate executives might even give it a try, what a concept!

Now there is a danger that too much happiness could cause a world wide epidemic of bliss and contentment, and that would disturb the natural order of greed and misery. But I think it is worth a try, don't you?

Ah November!

Now that Halloween has come and gone, we enter the solemn month of November. November first is also the Day of The Dead. As a friend just reminded me "November is the month of - astrologically speaking - sex, death and regeneration". It is the late Harvest and a time of celebration and remembrance.

In two weeks it will be the third anniversary of the passing of my long time companion, my partner in life for twenty eight years, and my soul mate for eternity. I can't believe that it has been that long. But you know what else I can't believe? I can't believe that I have been able to go on with my life and actually find happiness with another again. It is not that I will ever forget my years with Jack, they now sweep over me in waves of joy and happiness. Nor will I ever lose sense of his gentle presence around me. At the same time however I have a new energy in my life that only adds notes to my song. Chadwick is the regeneration of my journey. He is the reanimation of a life once stalled.

As the November snows begin and the winter fires are lit, there will be a new spark that illuminates the darkness and makes it a warm and cozy place to live again. Let the joyous celebrations begin and let the fires be lit so that we may all come together in love and peace.

A Day Such As This

It is on days such as this that I understand what life is meant to be. Late October Indian Summer and the trees ablaze with golden sunlight. The world seems to be lazily basking in a moment of mesmerizingly magnificence and for the moment all is well in the universe. There will of course be other days of that dazzle, but for now this one is most profound.


I wish that I could gather all my feeling of joy into one place and lock them away so that I might visit them when needed. But to do so would diminish them because they would be expected. Rather to see every day in it's own glory for every day does indeed have it's moment of joy. We just have to be aware to look for them.

So I will cherish this day and hold it dear, as if it where a once in a lifetime occurrence because it is unique indeed on to itself and I am part of it.

A Summers Morning

On a sun burned morning in July I catch myself staring out at my lush, sequestered deck. The plantings and ivy covering the lattice and railings make it a secret garden with the Ash and Cherry Trees forming a perfect arch from which to view the world around me as if looking out from my castle window.

At 7am in the morning it is a perfect spot to sit and reflect on life both now and past. On other summer days I can remember being rather more rushed with little or no time to enjoy this splendid place. But now it seems that time is more precious and reflections more deep.

The air is thick with morning dew and the gentle morning breeze is a welcomed relief. The silence is broken by the song of a robin, one of a pair that have lived with me for some time now making the grounds their home. Then the distant sound of footsteps and the roar of milk truck delivering goods to the grocery store tell me that it is time to awake and join the world once more. That is until tomorrow when the secret garden returns and I can bask in my remembrances again.

Sunday Morning

It is 6:30am on a Sunday morning in June. The sun has touched the tops of my Ash tree and the world is quiet around me like a leafy, lazy comforter gently coaxing me to stay in bed and ponder the day.

I stretch out my arms and legs and find only cool empty space and the world is mine for the moment. Little snippets of life such as these are wonderful in their purity and for the moment I feel as though I am floating above the earth and time in a cocoon of cotton candy.

In another moment a Robin appears and breaks the silence with his call. A soft breeze blows and the leaves begin to rustle and my body tells me it is time to re- enter the real world and begin another day.

At once several more birds appear, a man walks by below with his dog and my tranquility has been shattered. The city is encroaching again and my steeple of solitude has been breached.

But it is Sunday morning after all - a day of rest and reflection. I think that I might just roll over and slip under the covers for while longer. The day will wait for me I'm sure ...

Earth Wind & Fire

I had a catharsis today, in the middle of the day, in the middle of my life ...

I said to myself "what is so difficult about living a calm, serene and productive life"?

The answer came to me in a moment - it is everyone else around you that makes life such an effort. Not to say that we need to be hermits or celibate entities, but the mere fact that we must communicate  every day with so many people that don't necessarily fit into our idea of what and where we want to be, can be a most definite determent.

The answer was so very obvious that it took me aback. Could it be that all we really need to do to live life and prosper is to be ourselves? I have said this many times before in many different ways, but isn't it we who hold the secret to our own happiness, and wouldn't it be a terrible shame if we spent our time here in a state of complacency and regret?

So here it comes (you knew it would) ... Live life in the moment and don't waste your time on those that don't add luster to your existence. Time and life are very precious quantities and they are not likely to pass by again - at least not for a very, very long time!

I heard a sound the other day, it came quite clearly from away. What is the answer that you desire? Is it merely wind and fire? Or could it be earth and desire ...

A Life in Transit

What are dreams but a collection of snapshots of the days events or an album of a life well spent in transit from dawn to eternity, a place of sacred truths and trusts in unity.

Many times I have entered into this silence of sleep as a new born soul needing rest not joining in on the journey's quest. But now and again my conscious takes over and the roller coaster of my mind takes flight into the long and sometimes starless night.

At once there are sparks and electric lights that bath my soul with a luminous light transforming random thoughts into a play of sorts - a sorting out of sorts.

I wonder where reality begins when thoughts are hatched and life begins. A place to which we go to rest or is it just a nightly nest that gives us new birth everyday a fresh new morn in which to play.

Behold at once the unicorn that runs with truth, a single horn - a solace swift, a wonder born of needs to be our own true morn.

Come then now and take me sleep, fashion me my own true deep and endless love of life and time that gives me all I ask in rhyme ...

A Moment of Bliss

As this seemingly endless spring turns into what promises to be a summer of sunlit wonders, I sit and think how of very happy I am and wonder how I came to this place in such short time - to wake up in the morning and find myself in a "state of bliss".

Time however is the operative word here. Life and love, experiences and memories are all subject to time in one way or another. Without it there would be no accounting - just a series of numbers one following the next, a random collection of molecules in search of a meaning.

When I think of my life and review the past present I am in constant awe of the creature that I have become. Not because I am any different than most, but because I can remember it all and make use of the knowledge that I have collected so meticulously on the journey.

To have knowledge of self is perhaps one of the single most important accomplishments in attaining bliss - bliss being defined as a state of extreme happiness, a feeling of walking on air. You can and should be blissful everyday about something if only for a few moments. There should always be something that brings us to this beautiful moment; the song of a Robin, the sound of the wind.

Of course there are times when I find myself in other states, moments of emotional turmoil or times of duress. But if I can take that moment to reflect and regroup then that very distraction in in turn can become part of my strength and help to pull me up even higher.

I know that this may sound impossible to some and even perhaps pompous to others, but the truth is that nothing is impossible if we set our minds to it. All the powers of the universe are at our finger tips and they are ready when we are to welcome us to the power that is in us.

So reach out your hand today, plunge it into the pool of energy that surrounds you and create your moment - your very own moment of bliss!

A Midnight Journey

Have you ever walked in the full moon light to a place where time stands still and your soul can take flight.

To a portal of peace on a distant shore where the waves of silence glisten on a pure white shore.

To lay in the sand and be caressed by the tide, to awake in the morning with your love by your side.

A moment of bliss an eternity in each kiss, as the essence of the morrow washes over your body in a mist.

With the energy of creation held captive in your hand all things seem possible and anything can.

To make magic with song it is possible to fly with the winds of tomorrow on the wings of a sigh.

Anything is possible in the land of good bye and everything is manifested in the purity of your gods eye ...

Rainy Days and Saturdays

A Saturdays afternoon in spring, lazy and light. The smell of rain on the deck and a gentle breeze softly drying the water laden tree branches. All is well in my world for the moment and tomorrow promises to be more of the same.

When did my world become so effortless and orderly? Perhaps it was the the passing of my long time companion and the fire storm that followed his departure. Perhaps too it was the passing of my life as I knew it, and the beginning of another more introspected existence.

Life can and should be enjoyed and relaxed into eventually. If we have laid our course correctly sooner or later the trade winds will take us to our destination, and while we should never loose sight of our goals, neither should they be our only choice.

My new life seems to be as I always dreamed it might. And yes there is one ingredient missing but then he is still there in so many ways. My new life is of course made up of all the elements of the past one and will forever echo its many joys and sorrows. But as long as I exist on this plane it will continue to grow and thrive with the help and love of friends both new and old. It will continue on into infinity because we are all made of forever and as such will perpetuate eternally.

So sing a song of spring. Sing a song of love and joy. And sing it loud for the universe to hear. But most of all sing it for yourself!

What is it that happens when a institution dies?

One thing for sure is that it cannot be replaced - so enevitably it must be reinvented! But by what?

There in lies the answer I think ... what now?

Well here it is - ready or not!

As time progresses and we try to keep pace, there is a cadence that occurs which makes us try to keep pace.

The Forest Gate

Deep in the forest there is a gate that leads us to another place, another time, another space. We hold in our soul the key to it's lock and can open the latch if and when we desire, to another dimension a land of air and fire.

Life is full of twists and turns brought on by our own wishes to seek out a direction. As we venture forth into our destiny's there are many times we come across a wall or gate that must be conquered before we can enter the next adventure. I have passed through several in my quest for enlightenment but recently I have found that the gates can all be opened by a single key - this key is the knowledge of self but it is different for every person.

When I started out on my adventure the key to life was found in the gentle tranquility of a summers day or the awesome feelings of a moon lite night. Many times my joy would come from the simple pleasures of a day at the park, or more specifically, being alone with nature and the sky.

The next key I found that opened the gate to my teens and all the electric connections to others of my age. All of us looking for all the same things and sparking at each others touch desiring more intimacy and fulfillment.

As my journey passed into my 20's and 30's the key seemed to change and become more directional. It was the portal to young adulthood and with it came all the rules and regulations that are attached to social acceptance.

The gate at the entrance to age 40 was less restrictive and more intimate with myself and others. A time to rest a bit and regenerate, a time to reflect.

40's to 50's and time begins to move side ways - interesting how certain ages respond more to the touch of time.

At 60 there came a calm and deliberate space in which my world would blossom, opening like a fragrant flower that has been nurtured by all the energies of the past and present perfectly. Fertile celestial soil which had been planted with loves and desires became mature and a Garden of Eden came forth with all the power and joy that I possessed. A flowering of my soul made more perfect by the mere pleasure that it provided - a perpetual motion of memories and more.

So what of the final gate in the forest primeval and what of the garden that follows? Maybe it is just a stop along the way or maybe it is tomorrow.

Of Earth & Sky

As I scooped the water from the lagoon it occurred to me that what I had was more than just water it was the universe suspended in my very hand.

When we look around us we can see the many facets of life as they appear to be. But what of the deeper and less obvious elements? Could it be that if instead of a concrete set of rules we are in fact experiencing many different manifestations all at once?

If you think about it, we are, many times during a single day, living both mentally, physically and spiritually all at the same time. Our mental facility is always active whether we feel it or not, our physicality exists because we will it to be and our spirituality is a manifestation of both. But what happens then when one of our "elements" are absent?

When we loose one component the other two become more intense, just as a blind man's hearing and sense of smell. We always compensate for the loss.Therefore if we should want to experience one or the other of our senses more in depth we really only need to diminish the others. By means of meditation. We can reach various places in our sphere that hold the key to the others and they in turn can lead us to each as well. The point of this exercise it seems to me is that we all can, at any moment, cross over from one level to another in order to adjust our attitude and our direction.

It has been said "as above so below" and I might add as inside so without. Once again I feel that I am in the middle a gigantic soup of matter and energy. Everyday is a new one and always there is the possibility to accomplish anything that we desire if we only scoop up a handful of it's essence and drink deeply in its magic!

Tommorow is Another Day

There are special places in this world - very special indeed! At times I find myself visiting them at night while I am asleep and my soul is set free. Places I've been to and some that I have yet to see. Places of magic. Places just for you and me.

Everyday, in every way, whether we are aware of it or not we are creating our very own inner universe - a place we call home. While floating in the ether we find our touchstones ... those places and feelings that give us great joy and make us happy and strong.

Yesterday I felt my soul take flight again but this time to a different plain, a place that I had not yet been. I told myself that it was time once more to gather and glean, to refurbish the old and add luster to that which has been.

A feeling of calm came over me as I watched in amazement at just what I was seeing ... a milky way in miniature, a res bit in the storm of life, a place in which to store my being, a place in which to live my life.

All too many times I fear, if not careful, we can find ourselves living in a state of stagnation. As I have said before, to enjoy life is to live in the moment, to relish the past and look forward to the future. I am as guilty as most, I think, when it comes to the occasional forgetfulness and lethargy of complacency.

So I have determined that from now on and every night, I will give myself over in the morning light. I will transcendentally tread on clouds of ether. I will live and love life as if there might not be a tomorrow ... only really wanting to enjoy what it is that I have right now.

"Tomorrow", as someone once said, "is another day ... "

Deja Vu

This Easter weekend I found myself in Houston, Texas again. I used to travel to Houston a couple of times a year designing the Baker showrooms and conferring with the sales staff. Now some 20 years later I find my travels have brought me back again.

Yesterday I reconnected with an old friend. A person from those years ago who I had not seen since. Our meeting was extraordinary ... as if time had stood still. It seemed only yesterday that we both had talked, and the air was full of pleasant memories and loving concern. We talked of our adventures and reminisced of times gone by filling in the details that had separated us for all those years. A most enjoyable afternoon.

An amazing revelation occurred to me last night as I lay sorting out the decades of my life and trying to put them in some type of order again. The revelation was just this ... Perhaps time and space are dependant on our conception of them. Maybe we are time travelers and it is in our power to stop and start time.

There have been many times in my life that I have felt the "deja vu" of a moment lived once more, or at least remembered again. The sudden euphoria that is felt is like a tonic for the soul. There is this little voice in my head that says, "how wonderful that this experience can be remembered". How wonderful too that your life has been something that can live again in the realms of joyous remembrance.

Taking our time to live in the present is so very important. To run through life without noticing the joy that surrounds us, or for that matter the pain that we sometimes feel, should not be allowed. We only comes this way once and we should savour every ounce of it and drink it in until we are intoxicated.

But then again maybe we can come this way again if we really try, I thought. What if all we need to do is to believe, really believe, in the magic that exists within us? What if all we had to do was to set our souls free to play in the stars and fly in the wind of forever?

Life is like a shinning star that burns until all it's energy has been spent. It is I think so much better to spend our lives in happiness and love than to surrender it to sadness and fear.

As for me my soul is strong again and my purpose is clear. I will live and love with great joy until I burn as bright as the Sun, and when all of my energies have spent I will live and love again in the universal continuum ... forever.

A Song To Spring

What is it that happens when two worlds collide? Perhaps they become one in an amazing explosion of passion and joy ... or they totally obliterate each other. In either event there is that moment of complete oneness, that moment of uncompromising togetherness shall we say.

Hard to imagine sometimes, how on a serene and Sunkist day such as this, that there could be any volatility in our lives ... let alone any feelings of sadness or dismay.

Life, as I have always seen it, is a misty water color or happiness and love. Whether by ourselves or with another, it is only disturbed from time to time by fleeting moments of remorse which occur when our dreams are awakened and brought to task by ignorance of what we have in fact.

To walk in the garden of love and light is to exist in timeless solitude together with another. What more could one ask for but to be safe and serene in anothers arms? I would gladly give my life for such a moment and have done so before. Once we experience such bliss it is hard to return to the mundane and therefore I choose not to.

So what has this last year taught me and brought to me? Perhaps a reafirmation that my existence on this planet is mine for the making and that no one can change that unless I agree to the terms. That we are children of the universe  and as such have the right to compose and act out our thoughts and dreams just as the planets and stars above follow their own course. We, all of us, are special onto our selves and are therefore our own masters.

So lets us all join hands and sing of spring. Let us live life in love and it's rememberings!

Living in Your Element

I have lived in the clouds for most of my life. It started as a child when my grandfather and I would sit on the porch and identify shapes that would come and go on a cloud filled day such as today. I would later in life live in those very same clouds as an adult, as my travels took me around the world in my search for a purpose.

Being born an Aquarian - a creature of the air, I have always found myself more comfortable removed from the chaos of life on the ground. Not that there is anything wrong with earth and fire signs, because they are most necessary in the completion of life's drama. I am, however,  at my best when floating on clouds of ether, in a place where I can rest and reflect, and regain my energy.

Today I am in the air once again - this time on my way to Houston and my Taurus - the man who has grounded me and helped to keep me from disappearing into the ether ... there is most definitely the possibility of that if left to my own devices.

I think that we are all, in our own way, creatures of our respective astrological signs. The sign imprinted on our souls at the moment of birth. However how we handle our gift or what we do with it is totally up to us. I had a teacher long ago who consoled me very wisely that, "It is not what we have been given in life that makes us who we are - but rather how we make use of that which we are given."

We are born of the elements and must learn to control our earth, wind and fire. It is our decision as to how we use our special gifts, and in turn benefit from them. I have found my special place in the clouds that comforts and console me, but I have also found my other self in the face of my decisions. One cannot exist without the help of the others and unless you wish to disappear into your element you must embrace them.

So while we must live in the moment we must also remember the past and anticipate the future because it is in that trilogy we are reborn.

OMG

Oh my god! I had totally forgotten the wild but manicured world of the European country side until I saw this photo. How other worldly it can be to drive through what looks like a Disney set but is in fact real life!

For years my partner and I would hit the roads of Europe in our rental car de jour and wind our way through the wonderland of ancient and surreal landscapes that cover the continent. Like a sweet and fragrant frosting on a rich and filling culture the sereneness of it's spectacle overwhelms me still.

I would often ask myself, "What is it about the terrain of these places that make them so different than ours"? One day while looking through a book of European landscapes it occurred to me that they are, in fact, manifestations of centuries of loving care and sculpting by the hand of man!

Perhaps it is the sculpting of nature that makes the wilds more desirable to me. There is something about taking control but at same time loosing it too. As I look back at times past, it is the special moments that have defined me, that have taken me over and molded me into what I am. Neither a creature of the new world nor one of the past I seem to exist in that twilight word where things are always in flux but at the same time secure.

To have been so lucky as I, what more can one ask. When pain becomes joy and life breaks forth again from a long winter's sleep. To mix and mingle in the muddle of life and from this mulch bring forth a flower to behold, a song to sing and a life to remold.

Life is good again!

Mystic Rejuvination

There comes a time, some time in spring

when thoughts take flight and angels sing!

A time of joy, a time of love

a time to venture forth above.

What is it then that gives us the potent energy

 to pursue life's tasks with such synergy?

Tis the song we sing that in response 

cannot count on promises which do surmount

Our desire for eternal bliss

lies hidden in the springs first kiss

Several times a year I find myself lost in the mystic rapture of seasonal rejuvenation ...What is it that  makes the seasons so important to me? What is it that fires my soul with thoughts of resurgence?

Much like the Robin or the Cardinal that inhabit my back yard and have done so for 18 on years, I feel the cosmic pull of the universal call to procreate. Oft times it is the mere act of planting, or the desire to be fulfilled whether physically or spiritually, the force runs deep and strong in all living things and so must be fulfilled.

As we make our way through the many fields and facets of life there is always this undertow that seems to pull at our very souls. Once we were free spirits of the air and then a rest among the leaves so fair, but before we venture forth again we must mix and mingle, marry elements.

So I think the call from nature is just a call, to remind us ... that is all!

The Ides of March

Every year about this time the earth awakes to the sounds of spring. You can feel the energy surging up from the soil to meet the warming sunshine  and begin again the never ending process of this thing called life.

My life this year has taken a most definite turn and the excitement of regeneration is heavy in the air. One thing that is certain is the fact that love is in bloom and the scent of it's blossom is fragrant and intoxicating. The promise of such emotion is exhilarating and fills me with life.

As March whirls and blows it's way into my life once again I am reminded of my many other lives since I seem to be a perennial of sorts. Lives of many years and those of not so many ... times of trial and times of exuberance. Life is like a crossword puzzle - one never knows what letter you will be dealt or for that matter how to use it until it is there. But the beauty of it all is the simple fact that every day is a new day and every endeavour is a fresh one. If we are cognisant of who we are and where we want to be it can be magical but if we are lost in the maze of humanity it can be deadly.

So I say, come to me March whether Lion or Lamb and give me your best shot. I have been here many times before and I am ready for many and more!

Desert Spectres

As I walked the desert trail up from arid scrub brush to lofty pine trees, desert daisies interspersed with vibrant verbena and swaying sage grasses welcome me. I felt as though I have crossed over to a different place ... somewhere that I had not been before - or was I merely seeing this spectacle in a new light, and through another's eyes?

I had been to the desert many times before but this time it was different again. I was no longer the spectator ... I was the guide and teacher. My new found love and I explored this mystic land together as two star walkers might, discovering it's secrets and basking in it's mid day sun. At night we would sit by the fire and watch the shooting stars as they would light up the blue black sky and talk of our adventures that day while drawing close and feeling each others warmth.

I have determined that the desert never changes ... it is I who change every time I venture to it. It is I who bring the changes and perhaps it is the desert that blesses them and makes them real. My dreams and wishes are distilled here. Like a giant dream catcher it takes my troubles and concerns and transforms them into happy thoughts and positive energy. What is it about this desolate tranquility that ignites my soul and fuels my very being?

Very few have been invited to my magic mountains and even fewer to its secret streams. Only a handful have been allowed to revel in it's reality and even fewer to drink it's powerful potus. My desert is a magical, mystical land and if you are very lucky you too may feel it's awesome power one day - It is in me ...

Past Perfect Piles

I'm sitting here looking at several piles of debris from 2011. Things that I had promised myself to disperse before the new year.
So here it is January 30th and most are still here. But wait a minute does it really matter that the clock has put me into another year? Obviously I wasn't really ready for it!

How about I create my own schedule here ... What if I move in my own time for a change and set my own time frames. I know I sounds rather radical since we all live in this world ruled by deadlines but maybe it is the deadlines that need to be readjusted or just plain done away with.

What is life if not a celebration of the the moment? After all does it really matter if we don't accomplish everything that the day has laid out for us - would it not be better if we instead enjoyed the things that we can accomplish and bring joy to the effort?

How many times have we all said to ourselves that we wished we had taken the time to enjoy this moment or that and then lost it forever, never to reclaim it again.

This February is my 64th year on this planet and I have no idea how many more I may enjoy. But one thing is sure and that is the fact that however many more there are I will savor each and every one!

Come on life bring it on ... I am hungry for every moment that I can enjoy!

Going Home

After an early morning dusting of snow the sun had come out to reveal a winter wonderland of frozen trees and rolling fields sculpted by a blanket of white, sparkling in the sun light.

I am driving to Fort Wayne Indiana with my good friend Carrie to pay my last respects to my brother Denny and add my support to his family on this day of goodbyes. The predicted snow fall has not come as if the universe has gifted us with one last day of sunshine for this day most solemn, this day most sincere.

As I look out on the desolation of the Midwest country side I am reminded of other moments past, moments of tranquil reflection as I waded through the drifting snows with my brother by my side. Brother Denny tall and determined as he lead the way on our hunt for adventure, with Beebe guns cocked and ready to capture the wild game a foot.

There were many times early on that we shared this brotherly companionship and it made me feel warm and protected. Unfortunately youth does not last forever and as time marched on our togetherness became less frequent especially with the advent of grade school, new friendships and such. But even with these separations the bond of brotherhood held strong and although we were to see less and less of each other as we moved in our new directions there was always a cosmic connection that I felt which kept us in touch.

As I stood by my family's side on this cold and solemn winter's day I felt the blowing drifts of snow washing over me, each crystal of ice containing the million memories of our lives - as if to say "rejoice and take comfort for we have lived and loved, and our memories shall comfort us through eternity and beyond. As long as there is ice and snow, and as long as the sunshine falls on the crystals below, these memories will sparkle with all the light and love that is contained in them ... and we shall be forever with them".

Be at peace my brother and shine among the stars that now embrace you ...

A Very Good Year

Well the holidays are over and the snow of the new year has fallen to cover the debris of the past twelve months. Strange how peaceful and quiet the world can be after the tinsel and glitter have been put away and life returns to normal for another year.

There is a kind of deafening silence that descends on the city after the ringing in of the new year as if to say "we did it - another year under our belt"! January is a month of resolutions and reflections for me and I find it a perfect time to put things back into perspective, to get the ship back on coarse again and to move forward with life.

This year however my coarse has a new direction and purpose. There is new energy in my life - I have been touched by another and my soul has been made light.

As we move forward this year I find that I am once again planning for future events with a resolute purpose in mind. My life is full again. You could say that I am in love and you would be right, but more specifically I am in love with a young man who has touched my heart deeply and given me the gift of flight again.

This year will be a year of travel both in distance and in new endeavours. I am feeling the urge to create and grow again, to move forward with my new life and to bask in it's sunshine.

A friend once said to me that in his other life he was a different person with different needs and goals. I thought to myself  "how many lives are we entitled to"? I now know the answer and it is " how many do you want"?

If the past six months are any indication 2012 should be a very, very good year!

My Brother Denny

A few weeks ago now I got the news that my beautiful brother has entered into the black hole of an incideous disease called Alzheimer's. For over ten years now he has fought off the advances of this heinous predator only to succumb in the end to it's terrible task.

What is life if not a volatile and violent force only sometimes controlled by persistent emotions and selfless love? In the end we all succumb to life's lesions and continue on our infinite journey through time and space. The only comfort here is that we can and should take advantage of every single day that the universe bestows on us and sing its songs of joy and happiness while we can.

I will always remember my brother as he was when we were young and care free ... when we were vital and immortal with our youth protecting us as a father protects his son. We would play in the sunshine of never ending days and bask in the eternal essence of adolescence.

As we moved on with our lives unfortunately we began to drift apart. What a pity that life can in one moment nourish and in the next starve us. I ended up in Chicago and he landed in Fort Wayne Indiana - both of us to busy with ours careers, and he with his family, to continue our sibling friendship.

I must admit that I am not very good about keeping in touch unless the friendship is fresh and vital. Usually really good friends will understand and pick up where we left off and not miss a beat. In fact this happened with my brother when my life partner of 28 years passed away in November of 2009.

There is nothing more debilitating or heartbreaking than the loss of a husband, wife - your life partner - when these moments happen it feels like the end of the world, and it is in fact ... the end of your world together. I believe that my brother understood this and when the time came for him to be there for me he was. From the depths of his Alzheimers he decided that he needed to be there for me in my hour of need and drove with his wife and eldest daughter from Fort Wayne to be by my side and I will always remember that kindness.

If there is one message that I have laid out in all my blogs and writtings it is this: Life is nothing unless it is based on love and kindness. We are who we present ourselselves to be and therefore we can be whatever or whoever we want to be. But more than that, we are only temporary on this stage so to live in the moment is vital and to live fully is most crucial!

I love you brother Denny ...

A Late Winter's Snow

It finally happened today ... The first real, substantial snow of the season!

What is it about the first snow fall that makes things so right again?

Being born in the Midwest I have always been a creature of the cold and snowy ... Ever since I was a youngster I have loved the snows of winter! Perhaps it is that ultimate first slap of cold reality that both ends and begins the new year - a time when time gives pause and restarts the process all over again ...

Frozen thoughts become liquid again as I sit by my fireplace all warm and content while I watch the new made snow outside my window create it's magic. It is in moments such as this that I find true meaning in life. If not for these brief and serene moments I would surely miss the great joy that is found when time is our friend and life is unbound.

Tiny fragments of frozen water contain the DNA that gives life to the planet. In each snow flake there exists a map of the universe and instructions on how to get there. Whether we know it or not there is a grand scheme to life. It may not be apparent every day but it is there if you pause and take time to listen. As the gentle snow falls it gives a hushed silence to the busy world and for brief time let's us pause and reflect on the beauty that is nature.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ...

January 8th, 2012

What a glorious day! The sun is shining on the barren branches of winter, but wait, why is the temperature 41 degrees in January?

I know, I've said it before as well - global warming? Or is it more that things may be turning around a bit?

I remember days like this many years ago ... back when winters were really cold and snow falls were deep and long. There came the time we called "January Thaw" -  a week of warm temperatures before the cold would set in again.

With all the sorrow and discontent that has manifested this last decade, could it be that we have finally woken up to hear the song of the universe as it whispers in our inner ear again? Maybe it is a sign of better days in moderation or just a stop along the way of our journey back into the lighi

As I look around me I can still see those days of yore when life, as my grandmother would say, was kinder and gentler. A time when quality was more important than price, when time was more important than deadlines and an era of anxious anticipation for easy days in the sunshine of a lovers kiss.

On this special day in January 2012 I am feeling very blessed indeed because, even if no one else feels it, there is most definitely a very positive charge in the winter wind and it is blowing us toward a most excellent spring and summer of renewal I think.

So as the new born solstice sun of the Yule warms us and stirs our embers may it also be a time of resolutions for each of us to forge ahead and rebuild that which has fallen into disrepair ... I for one am ready!

A Christmas in Texas

What a lovely way to start a holiday adventure. My associate and I had worked long and hard to clear the debris that is usually in the way of a smooth departure - and this time it seems to have worked!

One secret is not to leave at the "crack of dawn" ... a midday flight gives you the luxury of sleeping in and most of all, adjusting your travel packing. Not all of us think of travel as an ominous adventure but it can most definitely be.

The ride to the airport was smooth and uneventful and the limo driver was very pleasant. Maybe it is the Tuesday travel that makes things a little less stressful, but in any event it was a perfect travel day.

Since I was headed to new territory I was a little apprehensive. But knowing and loving the person responsible for my destination made it easy and in fact rather exciting! Many years of travel have galvanized me into somewhat of a "road warrior", so it is only natural that I am at home in the air - so to speak.

The clouds out the windows of the airplane were magical - changing from noon opulence to afternoon tranquility. As my plane winged it's way to Dallas I began to feel the long forgotten emotions of long ago journeys when life was young and adventure ruled!

Funny how we live our realities ... sometimes anticipating them, other times fearing them - but most times hopefully enjoying them.

During my formative years - and we are talking the 20's thru the 30's- I viewed life as a never ending adventure. In my 30's, thanks to the grounding by most special friends and partners, I found myself satisfied in my station and most anxious to stay there indefinitely. But life is a continuum and there is no way that we can be complacent unless we cease to exist.

So, after 30 years of "stationary mobility" I found myself at the beginning of yet another new adventure! Was this a joke or was I in fact doomed to start the process all over again?

Well here I am light years from my innocent beginnings, finding myself innocent again in the arms of a new and very vital new beginning. Beginning life and love a new is the perfect way to stay young forever .... and I intend to live forever in it's joy!

So hello Texas and hello Christmas 2011. I think that 2012 is going to be golden! I like this new adventure very much indeed!

Landing in Tyler was magical - a small town airport with only one gate and very low key. It was 9:30 in the evening so not much could be seen of the terrain only the moon through the pine trees and the man I love sitting by my side as we weave our way to the magical cabin in the woods ...

So here we are in our cabin in the woods, complacent in our new found love and looking forward to it's every twist and turn.

The next morning brought with it yet another new and exciting adventure ... Meeting the ladies of Tyler, Texas at their most vulnerable - in the salon beauty chair. Each and every one of these steel magnolias was a treasure unto themselves and each lady had their own presence and innate charm. Spending time with them in the salon in Tyler was a most unexpected but delightful experience and I enjoyed every moment!

The next day it was time to meet Chadwick's mother and dad, and I was actually looking forward to it since I had heard only good things about them. When Patsy and Jerry arrived at the cabin I felt that I had already known them a for long time. Both where sincere and charming and both were truly loving and lovely. I felt that we connected immediately and before they left I felt as if I were part of the family and the rest of my stay only reinforced that feeling.

What a lovely way to spend Christmas amongst the love and kindness of new friends and family - and I was indeed ...

Life is good and should be, otherwise what is the point. No matter where you are or who you are with; life must of needs be vital and exciting - it must make you happy and take you to new heights of joy and enlightenment every day.

When our hearts are full and our souls are free life and love are where and what they should be!

Happy New Year to all and may the year be kind and gentle to you as well ...

A New Year of Light

New Years 2012

Last night I felt the energy of the new year surging at my door like an impatient surf ready to wash over me and cleanse my body in preparation for a new season in the sun!  

Funny how the spent energies of the last year don't really ever go away entirely but rather crystalize and add to our stability if properly digested. I have found that the best way to process the past is to consume it as you would any other energy supplement - in moderation and with great attention to it's contents and etherial calories, so to speak ...

When the innocent void of the new year occurs it is as though the universe is  stopping for a moment in order for us to be able to recalculate and readjust our lives and their direction. How many times have I set out in the new year with great expectations only to find that life has in fact other plans for me. It is not that I agree or disagree, but just that I need to be in sync with whatever direction that I end up traveling.

When we are in sync it is so much easier to be happy and productive in all our endeavors the least of which is a thing called love. So on this very special day called New Year's Day Let us all be reflective of our past twelve months but even more ... Let us be aggressive in our planning for the next twelve because if we are very honest and true to ourselves the universe will take our hand and show us the way!