Of Life & Living

I remember a morning in Provence when the sun smiled gently through a carpet of mist illuminating a field of lavender and giving warmth to a magical moment. Jack and I were experiencing a moment of total bliss and the world was ours.

There is that moment when the tide turns and the continent divides. The moment when the sun rises to illuminate the day or sets in the twilight of another night. A time of change and enlightenment or a time fear and stagnation. When the circle is completed there must be the moment of remorse for what which has been but also a joy in it's completion for if the new day is to begin the old day must end.

I have traveled a long and hard journey these past months and now find myself at its end. It is a daunting place to dwell and must not be allowed to stay. But for a brief moment in time it shall be cherished because in it I can see the sum of it's parts and am able savor it's existence. Now is the time to begin again a new journey that will honor the past one and carry with it the rapture of it's beauty.

For as the sun sets and rises, and the tide returns to the sea we are the captains of our own existence and it must therefore be ...

Angst Revisited

Just what is it that takes a good day and turns it around?

I was heading for home base just yesterday and then I ran smack dab into this invisible wall. I' m not really sure what it was but it hurt real bad. Maybe not as bad as a year ago, or six months ago, or for that matter, three months ago but it still hurts and probably always will.

I have asked myself over and over again, what is it that brings on the angst, really? Is it the touch of a strong yet gentle hand no longer there. Is it the words of love silently spoken every day now missing. Or might it be the deafening silence of laughter that once filled my heart no longer here. Perhaps it is all of these and probably more.

What I do know is that no matter how far away I travel from yesterday it is always just around the next corner. But you know what, it's also a comfort since it is a reminder of good times enjoyed and life lived well, of seasons in the sun and happiness beyond expectations. I guess that I should listen more closely to myself and not to the sounds around me because in my own domain I am totally content. It is only when I try to make sense of my life in comparison that I run into these walls of emotion. Better to be content in oneself then to desire the unattainable. Not that it is unattainable but rather at what cost.

So I will be joyful in remembrance and content in the present because the future is made from both ...

An Autumn Reflection

It is a Friday in fall. What a perfectly glorious day! This is one of those days that you would wish for should you want to play hooky from work or life. I am sitting at my table in the sun at Topo Gigio with my support staff buzzing around me, trying their best make me feel at home, I am suddenly reminded of a time past. An old acquaintance and even older friend todder in and pass me by headed for their table in the autumn sun. Neither notices me as one has crossed the threshold of forgetfulness and the other is preoccupied by his duty to give care. I smile and think to myself could this be all there is to life? To cultivate friendships as crops or cattle so that we may feed on them in our dotage or, on the other hand, to give ourselves over to caring for others hoping that someone will return the favor in our time of need? I think not.

Today is Sunday, another most beautiful day. This time I am sitting on my sun dappled deck basking in the warmth of an early Indian Summer afternoon. I know that the warm days of the harvest are entering into their demise but somehow it doesn't seem to bother me since I have been here so many times before. It is actually a more of a comfort and a call that it is once again time to enter into the cocoon of winter reflection. I will warm myself on the embers of this autumn blaze until the cycle of life and friendship are once again renewed in the splendor that is spring.

So here's to life and friendships, to seasons in the sun and to the winter solstice. May we enjoy them and feed on them to nourish our souls. And may they aid us in our quest for understanding ourselves and accepting each other.