Past Perfect Piles

I'm sitting here looking at several piles of debris from 2011. Things that I had promised myself to disperse before the new year.
So here it is January 30th and most are still here. But wait a minute does it really matter that the clock has put me into another year? Obviously I wasn't really ready for it!

How about I create my own schedule here ... What if I move in my own time for a change and set my own time frames. I know I sounds rather radical since we all live in this world ruled by deadlines but maybe it is the deadlines that need to be readjusted or just plain done away with.

What is life if not a celebration of the the moment? After all does it really matter if we don't accomplish everything that the day has laid out for us - would it not be better if we instead enjoyed the things that we can accomplish and bring joy to the effort?

How many times have we all said to ourselves that we wished we had taken the time to enjoy this moment or that and then lost it forever, never to reclaim it again.

This February is my 64th year on this planet and I have no idea how many more I may enjoy. But one thing is sure and that is the fact that however many more there are I will savor each and every one!

Come on life bring it on ... I am hungry for every moment that I can enjoy!

Going Home

After an early morning dusting of snow the sun had come out to reveal a winter wonderland of frozen trees and rolling fields sculpted by a blanket of white, sparkling in the sun light.

I am driving to Fort Wayne Indiana with my good friend Carrie to pay my last respects to my brother Denny and add my support to his family on this day of goodbyes. The predicted snow fall has not come as if the universe has gifted us with one last day of sunshine for this day most solemn, this day most sincere.

As I look out on the desolation of the Midwest country side I am reminded of other moments past, moments of tranquil reflection as I waded through the drifting snows with my brother by my side. Brother Denny tall and determined as he lead the way on our hunt for adventure, with Beebe guns cocked and ready to capture the wild game a foot.

There were many times early on that we shared this brotherly companionship and it made me feel warm and protected. Unfortunately youth does not last forever and as time marched on our togetherness became less frequent especially with the advent of grade school, new friendships and such. But even with these separations the bond of brotherhood held strong and although we were to see less and less of each other as we moved in our new directions there was always a cosmic connection that I felt which kept us in touch.

As I stood by my family's side on this cold and solemn winter's day I felt the blowing drifts of snow washing over me, each crystal of ice containing the million memories of our lives - as if to say "rejoice and take comfort for we have lived and loved, and our memories shall comfort us through eternity and beyond. As long as there is ice and snow, and as long as the sunshine falls on the crystals below, these memories will sparkle with all the light and love that is contained in them ... and we shall be forever with them".

Be at peace my brother and shine among the stars that now embrace you ...

A Very Good Year

Well the holidays are over and the snow of the new year has fallen to cover the debris of the past twelve months. Strange how peaceful and quiet the world can be after the tinsel and glitter have been put away and life returns to normal for another year.

There is a kind of deafening silence that descends on the city after the ringing in of the new year as if to say "we did it - another year under our belt"! January is a month of resolutions and reflections for me and I find it a perfect time to put things back into perspective, to get the ship back on coarse again and to move forward with life.

This year however my coarse has a new direction and purpose. There is new energy in my life - I have been touched by another and my soul has been made light.

As we move forward this year I find that I am once again planning for future events with a resolute purpose in mind. My life is full again. You could say that I am in love and you would be right, but more specifically I am in love with a young man who has touched my heart deeply and given me the gift of flight again.

This year will be a year of travel both in distance and in new endeavours. I am feeling the urge to create and grow again, to move forward with my new life and to bask in it's sunshine.

A friend once said to me that in his other life he was a different person with different needs and goals. I thought to myself  "how many lives are we entitled to"? I now know the answer and it is " how many do you want"?

If the past six months are any indication 2012 should be a very, very good year!

My Brother Denny

A few weeks ago now I got the news that my beautiful brother has entered into the black hole of an incideous disease called Alzheimer's. For over ten years now he has fought off the advances of this heinous predator only to succumb in the end to it's terrible task.

What is life if not a volatile and violent force only sometimes controlled by persistent emotions and selfless love? In the end we all succumb to life's lesions and continue on our infinite journey through time and space. The only comfort here is that we can and should take advantage of every single day that the universe bestows on us and sing its songs of joy and happiness while we can.

I will always remember my brother as he was when we were young and care free ... when we were vital and immortal with our youth protecting us as a father protects his son. We would play in the sunshine of never ending days and bask in the eternal essence of adolescence.

As we moved on with our lives unfortunately we began to drift apart. What a pity that life can in one moment nourish and in the next starve us. I ended up in Chicago and he landed in Fort Wayne Indiana - both of us to busy with ours careers, and he with his family, to continue our sibling friendship.

I must admit that I am not very good about keeping in touch unless the friendship is fresh and vital. Usually really good friends will understand and pick up where we left off and not miss a beat. In fact this happened with my brother when my life partner of 28 years passed away in November of 2009.

There is nothing more debilitating or heartbreaking than the loss of a husband, wife - your life partner - when these moments happen it feels like the end of the world, and it is in fact ... the end of your world together. I believe that my brother understood this and when the time came for him to be there for me he was. From the depths of his Alzheimers he decided that he needed to be there for me in my hour of need and drove with his wife and eldest daughter from Fort Wayne to be by my side and I will always remember that kindness.

If there is one message that I have laid out in all my blogs and writtings it is this: Life is nothing unless it is based on love and kindness. We are who we present ourselselves to be and therefore we can be whatever or whoever we want to be. But more than that, we are only temporary on this stage so to live in the moment is vital and to live fully is most crucial!

I love you brother Denny ...

A Late Winter's Snow

It finally happened today ... The first real, substantial snow of the season!

What is it about the first snow fall that makes things so right again?

Being born in the Midwest I have always been a creature of the cold and snowy ... Ever since I was a youngster I have loved the snows of winter! Perhaps it is that ultimate first slap of cold reality that both ends and begins the new year - a time when time gives pause and restarts the process all over again ...

Frozen thoughts become liquid again as I sit by my fireplace all warm and content while I watch the new made snow outside my window create it's magic. It is in moments such as this that I find true meaning in life. If not for these brief and serene moments I would surely miss the great joy that is found when time is our friend and life is unbound.

Tiny fragments of frozen water contain the DNA that gives life to the planet. In each snow flake there exists a map of the universe and instructions on how to get there. Whether we know it or not there is a grand scheme to life. It may not be apparent every day but it is there if you pause and take time to listen. As the gentle snow falls it gives a hushed silence to the busy world and for brief time let's us pause and reflect on the beauty that is nature.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ...

January 8th, 2012

What a glorious day! The sun is shining on the barren branches of winter, but wait, why is the temperature 41 degrees in January?

I know, I've said it before as well - global warming? Or is it more that things may be turning around a bit?

I remember days like this many years ago ... back when winters were really cold and snow falls were deep and long. There came the time we called "January Thaw" -  a week of warm temperatures before the cold would set in again.

With all the sorrow and discontent that has manifested this last decade, could it be that we have finally woken up to hear the song of the universe as it whispers in our inner ear again? Maybe it is a sign of better days in moderation or just a stop along the way of our journey back into the lighi

As I look around me I can still see those days of yore when life, as my grandmother would say, was kinder and gentler. A time when quality was more important than price, when time was more important than deadlines and an era of anxious anticipation for easy days in the sunshine of a lovers kiss.

On this special day in January 2012 I am feeling very blessed indeed because, even if no one else feels it, there is most definitely a very positive charge in the winter wind and it is blowing us toward a most excellent spring and summer of renewal I think.

So as the new born solstice sun of the Yule warms us and stirs our embers may it also be a time of resolutions for each of us to forge ahead and rebuild that which has fallen into disrepair ... I for one am ready!

A Christmas in Texas

What a lovely way to start a holiday adventure. My associate and I had worked long and hard to clear the debris that is usually in the way of a smooth departure - and this time it seems to have worked!

One secret is not to leave at the "crack of dawn" ... a midday flight gives you the luxury of sleeping in and most of all, adjusting your travel packing. Not all of us think of travel as an ominous adventure but it can most definitely be.

The ride to the airport was smooth and uneventful and the limo driver was very pleasant. Maybe it is the Tuesday travel that makes things a little less stressful, but in any event it was a perfect travel day.

Since I was headed to new territory I was a little apprehensive. But knowing and loving the person responsible for my destination made it easy and in fact rather exciting! Many years of travel have galvanized me into somewhat of a "road warrior", so it is only natural that I am at home in the air - so to speak.

The clouds out the windows of the airplane were magical - changing from noon opulence to afternoon tranquility. As my plane winged it's way to Dallas I began to feel the long forgotten emotions of long ago journeys when life was young and adventure ruled!

Funny how we live our realities ... sometimes anticipating them, other times fearing them - but most times hopefully enjoying them.

During my formative years - and we are talking the 20's thru the 30's- I viewed life as a never ending adventure. In my 30's, thanks to the grounding by most special friends and partners, I found myself satisfied in my station and most anxious to stay there indefinitely. But life is a continuum and there is no way that we can be complacent unless we cease to exist.

So, after 30 years of "stationary mobility" I found myself at the beginning of yet another new adventure! Was this a joke or was I in fact doomed to start the process all over again?

Well here I am light years from my innocent beginnings, finding myself innocent again in the arms of a new and very vital new beginning. Beginning life and love a new is the perfect way to stay young forever .... and I intend to live forever in it's joy!

So hello Texas and hello Christmas 2011. I think that 2012 is going to be golden! I like this new adventure very much indeed!

Landing in Tyler was magical - a small town airport with only one gate and very low key. It was 9:30 in the evening so not much could be seen of the terrain only the moon through the pine trees and the man I love sitting by my side as we weave our way to the magical cabin in the woods ...

So here we are in our cabin in the woods, complacent in our new found love and looking forward to it's every twist and turn.

The next morning brought with it yet another new and exciting adventure ... Meeting the ladies of Tyler, Texas at their most vulnerable - in the salon beauty chair. Each and every one of these steel magnolias was a treasure unto themselves and each lady had their own presence and innate charm. Spending time with them in the salon in Tyler was a most unexpected but delightful experience and I enjoyed every moment!

The next day it was time to meet Chadwick's mother and dad, and I was actually looking forward to it since I had heard only good things about them. When Patsy and Jerry arrived at the cabin I felt that I had already known them a for long time. Both where sincere and charming and both were truly loving and lovely. I felt that we connected immediately and before they left I felt as if I were part of the family and the rest of my stay only reinforced that feeling.

What a lovely way to spend Christmas amongst the love and kindness of new friends and family - and I was indeed ...

Life is good and should be, otherwise what is the point. No matter where you are or who you are with; life must of needs be vital and exciting - it must make you happy and take you to new heights of joy and enlightenment every day.

When our hearts are full and our souls are free life and love are where and what they should be!

Happy New Year to all and may the year be kind and gentle to you as well ...

A New Year of Light

New Years 2012

Last night I felt the energy of the new year surging at my door like an impatient surf ready to wash over me and cleanse my body in preparation for a new season in the sun!  

Funny how the spent energies of the last year don't really ever go away entirely but rather crystalize and add to our stability if properly digested. I have found that the best way to process the past is to consume it as you would any other energy supplement - in moderation and with great attention to it's contents and etherial calories, so to speak ...

When the innocent void of the new year occurs it is as though the universe is  stopping for a moment in order for us to be able to recalculate and readjust our lives and their direction. How many times have I set out in the new year with great expectations only to find that life has in fact other plans for me. It is not that I agree or disagree, but just that I need to be in sync with whatever direction that I end up traveling.

When we are in sync it is so much easier to be happy and productive in all our endeavors the least of which is a thing called love. So on this very special day called New Year's Day Let us all be reflective of our past twelve months but even more ... Let us be aggressive in our planning for the next twelve because if we are very honest and true to ourselves the universe will take our hand and show us the way!