Most Profoundly

As I looked up through the cathedral like arches of the frosty tree limbs that were surrounding me, I felt as though I had left the mundane and been transported into another dimension; a crystal word of brittle fragility; a world of serene delight and a place of cold clear perfection.

There are times when reality can surpass the imagined, and times when focus is lost and fantasy becomes real. I have walked through the frosty forests of mountain high  magic and slept in fields of valley grasses dotted with delicate daffodils awash with the wind.

Many times I have heard the call of the desert surf that coddles the mountain side and covers the fallen trees. But there is one thing that has escaped me until just now and that is the awesome wonder of standing alone in the universe between the earth and the heavens and discovering myself all over again.

Most of my life has been supported and encouraged by friends and family who's desires were tainted by delusions of who they wanted me to be. My Grandmother wanted me to be a priest, my mother wanted me to be heterosexual and my Dad didn't know what he wanted. Later my first lover wanted me to be eternally young and a partner in his life, my second just wanted me to be his until another opportunity arose and my last lover just wanted to love me and take care of me ... so beautiful.

Since I have been alone again for the last 2 years I have discovered that in order to be yourself you must be alone, at least for as much time as you need to reconstitute and find your voice again. You need ultimately to be happy with yourself and your universe before you can possibly imagine making someone else happy. I have done this and most profoundly. Now it is time to step up the plate again. I have practiced this moment many times and I think I'm ready.

At once it is very easy to say ... I am happy with myself again and now I want to be happy with you!