Mortality 2

MORTALITY

mor·tal·i·ty

/môrˈtalədē/

Noun

the state of being subject to death.

It happened in my seventy first year. An explosion of thoughts and feelings that were and are my life finally came to fruition. A single moment that would time stamp my existence on this lonely planet, a speck of dust in a universe that for most is a means onto itself and therefore content in its existence.

My mortality is becoming most apparent in the fact that I am indeed a mortal after all. After chasing eternity I have found comfort in the reality of the ever after, that dark hole that both creates and destroys.

As material matters ebb and flow and seasons come and go, there is this thing that beckons me on to a place that I have created through my happy and sad moments, my nirvana, my heaven, the place I call home.

What is life after all if not a compilation of happy and sad moments in a torrent of flux that brings us to the reality of it all. It would be a tragedy if lessons learned did not help to progress us to a higher level of consciousness in order to evolve.

 So many sweet and sour tastes linger on my tongue, much as the seasons of the sun both warm and cool me with both content and disdain.

I live here now in the reality that while my life is still vital and very much alive, it is also evolving one more time into a new and hopefully more perfect me.

IN THE BEGINNING …

In the beginning I remember my life as a constant need to feed on whatever was given to me from the table scrapes of family, teachers and such.

Moving on into adolescence I discovered that I was more than the sum of my parts, I was in fact a growing organism that could change and evolve into whatever I desired.

The challenge here is to be studied and to evaluate any and all interactions so as not to lose sight of our ultimate goals – to become a kinder and better person without sacrificing integrity or our moral compass.

My journey, which is still unfolding and hopefully will continue to do so until I become one with my soul mates once more in the universal consciousness.

AND THEN …

Growing up in Rockford Illinois was a safe mid American town. Know as the Forest City because of its population of Dutch Maple trees and pastoral county side, it was a Norman Rockwell classic.

Life in the 50’s was so white middle class. In fact the population of Rockford was approximately 80% with perhaps 15% blacks, no Jews (that I knew of), and 5% transient workers of mixed racial backgrounds.

Sometime around the early 60’s I awoke to the Cultural Revolution that began with the British Invasion, Surf and Psychedelic Rock, and Motown/R&B, there was no turning back.

1966 was another wake up call. I left my safe place, parents and friends to make a new life in Chicago – the Emerald City, Gotham, and Heaven.

The vibrancy of the big city exuded a richness and passion that I had not experienced before. The sounds of the working days and silence of reflective nights gave way to a life style I could only imagine back home in sleepy and safe Rockford.

Somewhere between art school days and disco nights I managed to begin to create a new persona, a new and better me, or was it?

Both work and play are important in sculpting a facade, but personal relationships are necessary in order to refine the finished product. Thus began my search for a partner that could fill the void that I was feeling as a single entity. A father figure that was missing from my childhood past; a teacher who could continue the education instilled by my grandmother; and of course a lover who could comfort me and make me whole.

I am now living in a place that I have created for myself in the seventy plus episodes I call my life.
A mosaic that I have woven together with tears and joy, a master piece shared only with close friends and lovers. A sacred space that is unique onto me and those I care to share it with.

In our later years we would be wise to edit our feeling since, I have found, that to be too honest can be a dangerous thing. But then why should we be afraid of showing ourselves to our friends if they are indeed our friends?

SO HERE WE GO AGAIN …

I have often said, life is a continuum, it has no beginning, and it has no end. Therefore my determination has always  been to let it flow.

As we progress, or regress in our mortal quest, I have always felt compelled to proceed in the direction that my compass had been set from the start.

You see, like any endeavor whether it be physical or mental in nature, we are of needs destined to fulfill our quest in the manner that we have determined from our inception.  

So, as I move forward, I have decided to, as my grandmother used to say “raise my flag and let the colors fly”!