Clouds

My grandfather and I used to sit together on the porch of our house in Rockford. We would look up and watch the procession of clouds drift by. Sometimes soft and gentle, other times strong and ascending they would provide us with endless entertainment as we watched this cosmic theatre unfold.

Today I came across a book entitled simply "Wind Blown Clouds". I laughed and thought to myself how proud would my grandfather be to know that he could have been the author of this book. But not just that - he could and would have been much more.

When grandfather and I looked up to the skies, we saw not only clouds in motion but rather a puppet opera. Every cloud has a distinct personality and purpose. When a storm is coming they are ominous, when good weather abounds they are happy and playful and when there is rain or snow coming they are rather serious. There are occasions when clouds merely, playfully change shapes as if they were bored. I have seen clouds shape shift from cherubs to dragons and from puppies to werewolves. But in the end they are only clouds - aren't they?

People are much like clouds. Ever changing changelings. Always looking for that better shape, a more perfect format, or that most ultimate essence from which to play our role in life.

I think that my grandfather taught me a lot about life.

Thank you grandpa!

Kiki's Banquet

I have been sitting at the bar at Kiki's restaurant quite frequently these days - a home away. During my indulgences I have become very interested in how the other half work and live. Then it occurred to me that I am part of the other half - maybe not so much in financial wealth but most certainly in wealth of experience and spirit ...

What is it that sets us apart when it comes to our station in life?

I think that it all revolves around our spiritual and social consciousness. Not to say that money doesn't play a significant role, but what does anything matter unless we are totally involved and attuned to it and in it?

I have been extremely fortunate in that I have been blessed with both common sense and a passion for life. You might ask what I mean by "passion for life". My definition goes something like this: to be truly passionate in your life journey means that you must love your life enough to sacrifice everything for it but also to have the common sense to recognize those things that are detrimental to it.

The Buddha said "what we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow - our life is the creation of our mind". I say that all things both physical and spiritual play a huge part in our lives and our perception of it.

Just as a seed produces a bloom and from the bloom come many more seeds when strong and well nourished, so does our essence. It projects this thing called life on the face of the universe and from it's projection comes forth our body and soul. To walk in the positive energy of existence is to swim in it's energy effortlessly. It is only when the stream of life becomes polluted that we find ourselves drowning in loneliness and despair.

Many times have I been blessed with clear skies and balmy breezes that have left me serene and complacent. But several times I have felt the cold brown waters of despair encircle my feet and ankles and when this occurs beware for if one becomes accustomed to the cold it can overtake you.

"Life is a banquet", as Auntie Mame said - "and most pour suckers are starving at the table" ...

It is not that we should consume life greedily and take it home in "to go" bags. Rather we need to eat from the table in moderation and share our fortune with the other guests.

I have been sitting at the bar at Kiki's quite frequently these days. The never ending parade of humanity enthralls me and encourages me. I find it to be a charging station for my never ending curiosity and passion for this thing called life.

Aimer de Nouveau

Life is that thing that happens when you least expect it ... And love is a much needed element in it's fulfillment.

After almost two years of existing on planet earth in rather much of a coma, something happened that gave me a much needed slap and woke me up to the tremendous possibilities that are around me. His name is Chadwick ...

I have always felt that I am not as good on my own as when I have someone to love and nurture. It seems to be in my nature to care for others. But therein lies the dilemma ... when one cares for another there is always the possibility that you can be hurt. Giving of yourself means that you are in fact parting with vital energies that sustain your own soul. Therefore much caution must be given as to who you entrust with them.

I feel however, that to be complete we must both give and receive ... It is our nature to do so. Like a river to the sea the waters of emotion must be passed on unless they overflow. A very wise woman once told me that to live a life complete there must be energy transfers unless we are to explode or, even worse become complacent.

My new partner is a breathe of fresh air. Like a song on my lips and sunshine on my soul he has rescued me from myself and given me a reason to exist again. I find myself intoxicated by his very presence. What could be more sublime than to be one with another ... A pairing of two souls that are matched completely and in every way?

Life can be a most wonderful adventure and with the right person by your side it can be most extraordinary. Surprise, I can love again!

My Phoenix Rising

It is a day such as today that makes my heart happy! The long shadows of the impending autumn exquinox have begun to grow but the summer sun is still here and its warmth can still be felt on my face. It is a time of cautious contentment and intimate reflection ... a time for ultimate faith in regeneration and a time to dream.

Much like the mythical Phoenix bird which near the end of its life builds a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix arises, reborn anew to live again. It is said that the bird's cry is that of a beautiful song.

How many times have I been here before and how many times will I venture here again? Nothing in life is sure, and for sure nothing should be expected unless it has been nurtured and cultivated. Much like the crops of summer we only reap what we sow and maybe not even.

For a thousand summers I have felt the soil beneath my feet and the plow of life in my hands. There have been times of plenty and other times of less, but in the end I have found it too be mostly fertile and fortuitous.

This last bit of time has only reinforced my belief that life is a continuum and that to be involved one only has to jump in and swim. Or course we need to be a little cautious and perfect our skills of navigation in order to take advantage of our situation, but in general if we are true to ourselves and trust in our intuition it will usually lead us to a serene and joyous experience.

I have been so lucky in my life ventures and venues that it would seem ungrateful of me to say any different. What I will say however is that we do need to be cautious and observant in our journey since the roads are not always well marked and it is easy to occasionally stray along the way.

At the moment I am grounded and life is good. I have planted many seeds that are now feeding me with the love and kindness that I have sewn. Even though certain things have not gone the way I would have liked I am still standing and ready for another encore. I feel that I have found my soul again and I have every reason to think that I will in fact love again and with all the passion that I have so desperately clung to and stored in my heart.

Love and life are what we make them to be and I have practiced long and hard at both ... I think that it is time for the Phoenix to rise again and it has!

A Man on the Moon

As I was driving to the airport today to start on my adventure I thought to myself how wonderfully different the last two days have been! Summer is beginning to put on her fall face and my favorite season is almost at hand ...

During the past week much has happened that has changed my life again - some good, some bad but mostly positive. Several possessions long held have been exchanged for new and time itself has winked at me and invited me to join the party again. So I thought to myself perhaps it was time for me to rethink myself as well. To regenerate and become someone new too.

As I considered my situation I remembered a poem that I had put into my closet last year and decided that it was time to bring it into the sun light again. It goes something like this:

There was this young boy who walked through life as though it were a dream. He danced and played in the gaze of the sun and slept in arms of the moon.

One day the sun it did not shine and the moon in turn could not reflect. Perplexed the boy asked of time where is it that I might find my light?

Time replied - there is no light that I can see for without the sun there cannot be. But the moon is still here and perhaps if we still hear we might live in the silence of its ear.

There was then an old man who found solace in the silence of the moon. While his body was there it could not be seen nor could it be touched until the suns light would once again let it be such.

So let it be said that life if well read can exist in it's own cocoon. But while sleeping in such must be nourished by touch and if so will respond with a bloom.

My hope is that all we find our own special person or thing to illuminate our lives and touch us with the beauty that only love can bring.

Future Perfect

Well it is official ... the Volvo is R.I.P.!

After so many years of loving service and even more loving memories of a loving relationship the machine as the human spirit finally succomes to the final defeat.

But is it defeat or is it the realization that the time has come to release that last bit of cosmic energy, or just the grand and defiant gesture - the ultimate universal "up yours"!

What now? I have been vacillating between the practical and the desired. Much like other interests in my life presently I am not sure anymore just where I want to be.

Today I realized something very profound, at least for me that is. Our lives are only chapters in a book that is being written by us. Every hour of every day we sit and scribe our essence into parched pages of past performance. Perhaps better to throw our thoughts to the wind and let them find their own destination.

Once I believed in structure and balance but I think that now I must amend, and say rather structure and balance only happen when we practice them. The universe itself has taught me that to be balanced is to be comfortable in unbalance, and that structure is only the product of the desire to come out of chaos.

Where does this leave me? Well for one thing kayos may just be in order for the moment - and structure? Perhaps I will deal with that when I am ready for it.

So a Lexus or a Jaguar? The Jaguar is looking awfully good at the moment ...

Let the Sunshine In

Hello Sunshine it's been a long, long time since I've seen your face. Promises of spring have all but gone unfulfilled until just now! This week for the first time I feel it all coming together again.

So global warming be dammed and climate change stand back, because today, right here, right now I am experiencing my moment of renewal again, my "somewhere-in between-solstice and equinox" moment.

Over the past months I have ventured out into the traffic once more and found it to be, while a bit daunting, full of promise. New people, new hopes and desires seem to be just the fodder that my old roots were needing like a summer thunder shower to charge and bathe my soul with life's energy one more time.

Who knows if or when we might ever realize the true potential of our lives, so why not just let it go and go with the flow. That thing and time we really want to be totally apart of is here, somewhere, we just need to embrace it.

A long time ago I felt the world was mine, and it was because I believed  in it. But as I have marched through life I have found that the world belongs to others as well, so I thought "I must share this wonderful place". Over time I discovered that it was not necessarily the same world and that we are all sharing - rather more like rooms of a shared hostile. While one might be on the same floor as others the view and perspectives are all a little different.

The thing to remember is that while we do share our dwellings it is vitally important not to loose track of our own special place because if we do then who are we really. The answer? Live and love, and cohabitate but keep your soul intact because you may need it again some day when you become lost in time as I have been ...

Life is good, love is better, but to have both is miraculous!