To Sleep - Perchance to Dream Again

Today is January 14th, 2011. It has been one year, two months and five hours since my partner Jack, the love of my life and my best friend, left me and I lost my inner child. Even though he still exists in my heart and my soul, and always will, there is a void that cannot be filled nor would I want it to be. That void that we feel when something or someone dear passes should and must become the vessel in which to gather new joys and experiences. A safe place for dreams and memories.

A friend recently asked me if I thought that he would ever experience what I had shared with Jack. I had to tell him no. You see there is this thing in life that occurs only once for each of us if we are lucky. Everyone of us feels it differently. It is a pairing of souls that cannot be denied, a joining of hearts that begin to beat as one; a longing of two entities to exist as one forever, and once it occurs it cannot be again. Much like the moon to the tides or the rivers to the sea, these seasons of the soul are unique and special onto themselves. Would you desire that which is not your own it will never be yours, but if you give yourself to that which is offered you will own it forever.

I have come to conclusion that even though I must except my life for what it is now I must also remember it for what it has been too. A rare and beautiful expression of love fully realized, of life richly lived and of dreams experienced together that will never vanish. With this in hand the journey becomes more palatable and therefore worthy of perseverance.

It is now January 14th, 2011 and it is the beginning of a new decade, a new decade in which I talk alone. Granted there is a lot of love out there, supportive friends and relatives, and of course always the possibility of new relationships. But I think that for the present at least I am feeling just fine ensconced in my warm and comfortable world of dreams and memories. After all it is the place that I have chosen to create and the space in which I exist. It is me after all and I think that my inner child is alive and well again too.

So, to Live? Yes, definitely; to Sleep? Perhaps; But to Dream again? Yes please.