A Christmas Snow in Chicago

What could be more magical than a Christmas snowfall? That would be a Christmas snowfall in Chicago!

When the city of Big Shoulders is surprised by a wintry blast from the plains there is this certain air of excitement, a sense of anticipation that surrounds the metropolis and bids it to take a time out. This is especially true at Christmas Time when emotions are already amplified by the seasonal excitement of city shoppers scampering to and fro.

A feeling of tranquility descends as the fluffy white blanket of silence covers the roads and roof tops making for a much needed silent night. The pure white powder transforms the hussle and bussle into a softer and more manageable moment in which we can slip sideways into our childhood selves and maybe even make a snow angle.

What could be more beautiful than to see the sparkling white lights of Michigan Avenue frosted by a winters kiss or the park and pavillions transformed into snow sculptures. Call me crazy but it is this little miracle each year that sets the tone for season, at least for me.

It's Only a Day Away ...

How did that saying go again? "Life is a mystery, it has to be lived, not understood".

The older I become the less I understand people. Not that I don't understand them but rather that I don't understand their lack of understanding. So much is given to us everyday via radio, TV, and the Internet, not to mention the volumes of books, discs and CD's. How can we not be aware every minute of every day. What is it that makes us so dense in our determination not to absorb knowledge?

Perhaps we are retreating from the tidal wave of technology that has numbed and neutered us; the over stimulation which has brought us to this precipice then threatens to dash us against the rocks and steal our souls.

I for one have begun a retreat. Finding that all the promises of this techno perfection have only further enslaved me I decided to take a break and breathe deeply again. Maybe the simple silence that comes with this self awareness just might be the ticket. Several times in life I have found myself at similar junctures and each time it has been the "self centering" that has saved the day.

Last evening I hosted a dinner party for a few good friends. It had been quite a while since I endeavored to attempt this feat. After two days of preparation; shopping, chopping, cleaning and decorating the hour approached. A warm and wonderful evening transpired as we all sipped and slipped into another era. Conversation replaced texting for a time and dining on porcelain plates with sterling service replaced the usual "grab and run" frenzy of the over worked day. A long and leisurely night of "one on one" human communication was had by all. The evening glistened into the wee hours and finally two by two my guests set out into the winters night. I was left with a kitchen full the left overs of a fabulous feast and the glow of contentment that comes with such a successful event. But more than that was the realization that time can be stopped and even turned back if we really wish to do so. We can and should recapture moments that make us content and comfortable in our skins. Isn't that who and what we are?

So as the new year approaches and expectations accelerate, this may be the perfect time to step back a little and let ourselves enjoy at least a moment of contentment with that which we have or can have; enjoy our time in this moment and moments of past pleasures. After all tomorrow, as Annie once said, "is only a day away" ...

Tidings of Comfort and Joy

On Dasher, on Dancer, on Pracer and Vixen, on Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen ... The Holiday Season has come with a vengeance on the wings of a Midwestern snow storm. Conjuring up visions of many happy seasons past and renewing memories of much love and joy.

I find it interesting that amongst all the misery and madness that is the world today can come this pause in time. A cease fire, if you will, when man kind (for the most part that is) agrees to put aside petty differences and gather together for a moment; to reflect in peace with tidings of comfort and joy. Unfortunately this pause is usually then followed buy the return to more madness and misery after Auld Lang Syne ...

Maybe, I thought to myself. Just maybe, one year the Grinch just might steal Christmas for real; and then what we do with all our naked emotion left exposed. Without our cloaks of holiday cheer or our balls of holly to deck our halls. What would we do if Christmas didn't come?

Perhaps this year we should make it a point to look real hard at our world and ourselves. Perhaps we should reflect on the real meaning of the season and learn from our past celebrations. Wouldn't it be great to wake up on Christmas morning and discover that spirit of the season has left us with a new world where peace and love fills every day, and tiding of comfort and joy are the rule, not the exception?

Holiday Spirits & Sprites

Whoosh! I think that I just caught a glimpse of a holiday spirit making it's way though my house. I haven't seen one of those in a long time. Care must be taken when such episodes occur. If not careful one could easily be caught up in the frenetic frenzy and god only knows what might happen then.

This year seems to be a little less full of fun and frenzy, and more concentrated on content. Times of past illusion are giving way to daily realities, for me at least. For instance, when was the last time that you did something just for the fun of it. Don't you find that most everything now is pre-screened or previewed to the point of ... well, to the point of wondering why we even choose to start the process?

Immersed or embroiled as we may be in the heart of the holidays, I have to say that there is one thing that helps to lift me up and out of the magical mire. The only thing that seems to be capable of creating this cure for me is the simple and pure distillation achieved by the conjuring of past perfect times. This can make for a powerful and pungent potion which when mixed together with dear friends both old and new will not only add flavor to your celebrations but give new energy and meaning to life.

As the new year approaches and our thoughts turn toward a new day let us be eager in our anticipation, but careful in our participation of events that will lead us forward to a kinder, better time.

Let's drink a cup of kindness then for "Auld Lang Syne" ...

Human Sacrifices

You know me, the holidays have always held a special place in my heart. Being some where between Buddhist Priest and Druid, I enter into the season with trepidation, never knowing which way to turn. This year, left to my own devices, I decided to go with the pagan motif as it seemed more in touch with my inner self at the moment. So it was a rock crystal mobile dripping down my staircase interspersed with silver snowflakes, white lights and an occasional ornament - kind of Auntie Mame. White poinsettias surround our living room and a silver, white and gold Christmas Tree touched by a smidgen of red for flavor stands proud by the fireplace. The third floor is more sedate with dark red poinsettias as the theme, still to soon for the family tree. Maybe, I thought, a few treasured ornaments and accessories would do but we will see.

Did you ever notice that the holidays seem to bring out the best and the worst in people. If you are in a good place your great, but god forbid that you are in the dumps because it will only get worse. However, there is salvation at hand. I have learned that if you are not in a good place in your head at the holidays the best thing to do is to go somewhere else, physically that is. Yes! Run away!!

I know that you can't run away from life forever but you can run away from Uncle Burt and Aunt Emmie. You can ignore Santa Claus and go with Santana or you can enjoy a Merry Christmas in Margaritaville. Be creative for goodness sake and give your inner Santa a "Sidecar". Hang those jalapeño pepper lights and make merry with your boyfriend Harry or your girlfriend Mary! You don't have to stew in other peoples puddings you know and you don't have to sing their holiday anthems. What you do have to do is to listen to your very own inner voices and let them take you to that place that makes you happy. Sure you can always bring a few people along if you want to but it is not a requirement.

This year I think that I just might invite a select group to help me celebrate my Pagan Solstice and we might just make a sacrifice too!

Happy Holidays

The leaves of summer have turned their color and are now falling to the ground carpeting the earth with a coat of many colors, giving warmth to the now barren earth and providing nourishment for the season to come. Upon the horizon I am looking at the shadow of November which has now over taken me and is rushing me once again into the holidays ahead.

What has changed since a year ago today? Everything and nothing at the same time. Life seems to go on with or without us and I sometimes wonder what the point of all this constant concern really is. Perhaps we are concerned lest we loose are place at life's table. If we loose our place, our identity, then it is only a matter of time before we become forgotten and part of the past, left behind to fend for ourselves in the wilds of solitude.

But we are in fact meant to be free beings and whether we choose to live alone or to entangle our lives with those of others, we will live and love only as much as is our capacity to do so. As we gather around our Thanksgiving tables this year with friends and family let us celebrate each other and remember just how fragile and transient life is so that we may enjoy it all the more.

So as the Holidays rush in and dazzle us with their opulence remember that close behind waiting in the dark and quiet of winter is the time when we will need our friends, on occasion, and our memories, always, to brighten our days until the spring sets us free to run again through the fields and forests of our lives. To gather new memories and to bask in the sunshine that is ours.

Of Life & Living

I remember a morning in Provence when the sun smiled gently through a carpet of mist illuminating a field of lavender and giving warmth to a magical moment. Jack and I were experiencing a moment of total bliss and the world was ours.

There is that moment when the tide turns and the continent divides. The moment when the sun rises to illuminate the day or sets in the twilight of another night. A time of change and enlightenment or a time fear and stagnation. When the circle is completed there must be the moment of remorse for what which has been but also a joy in it's completion for if the new day is to begin the old day must end.

I have traveled a long and hard journey these past months and now find myself at its end. It is a daunting place to dwell and must not be allowed to stay. But for a brief moment in time it shall be cherished because in it I can see the sum of it's parts and am able savor it's existence. Now is the time to begin again a new journey that will honor the past one and carry with it the rapture of it's beauty.

For as the sun sets and rises, and the tide returns to the sea we are the captains of our own existence and it must therefore be ...

Angst Revisited

Just what is it that takes a good day and turns it around?

I was heading for home base just yesterday and then I ran smack dab into this invisible wall. I' m not really sure what it was but it hurt real bad. Maybe not as bad as a year ago, or six months ago, or for that matter, three months ago but it still hurts and probably always will.

I have asked myself over and over again, what is it that brings on the angst, really? Is it the touch of a strong yet gentle hand no longer there. Is it the words of love silently spoken every day now missing. Or might it be the deafening silence of laughter that once filled my heart no longer here. Perhaps it is all of these and probably more.

What I do know is that no matter how far away I travel from yesterday it is always just around the next corner. But you know what, it's also a comfort since it is a reminder of good times enjoyed and life lived well, of seasons in the sun and happiness beyond expectations. I guess that I should listen more closely to myself and not to the sounds around me because in my own domain I am totally content. It is only when I try to make sense of my life in comparison that I run into these walls of emotion. Better to be content in oneself then to desire the unattainable. Not that it is unattainable but rather at what cost.

So I will be joyful in remembrance and content in the present because the future is made from both ...

An Autumn Reflection

It is a Friday in fall. What a perfectly glorious day! This is one of those days that you would wish for should you want to play hooky from work or life. I am sitting at my table in the sun at Topo Gigio with my support staff buzzing around me, trying their best make me feel at home, I am suddenly reminded of a time past. An old acquaintance and even older friend todder in and pass me by headed for their table in the autumn sun. Neither notices me as one has crossed the threshold of forgetfulness and the other is preoccupied by his duty to give care. I smile and think to myself could this be all there is to life? To cultivate friendships as crops or cattle so that we may feed on them in our dotage or, on the other hand, to give ourselves over to caring for others hoping that someone will return the favor in our time of need? I think not.

Today is Sunday, another most beautiful day. This time I am sitting on my sun dappled deck basking in the warmth of an early Indian Summer afternoon. I know that the warm days of the harvest are entering into their demise but somehow it doesn't seem to bother me since I have been here so many times before. It is actually a more of a comfort and a call that it is once again time to enter into the cocoon of winter reflection. I will warm myself on the embers of this autumn blaze until the cycle of life and friendship are once again renewed in the splendor that is spring.

So here's to life and friendships, to seasons in the sun and to the winter solstice. May we enjoy them and feed on them to nourish our souls. And may they aid us in our quest for understanding ourselves and accepting each other.

All Hallows' Eve

Do you see it ...

can you hear it ...

can you smell it?




The season is ripe with the sensations of the harvest!

Summer is now turning into fall again and I am feeling the chill of the north wind on my face. It will soon be time to face the winter darkness once more. But fortunately before the ultimate cold and dark of winter descends there is this magical season of dappled sunlight and frosty color to bask in. A time to collect our thoughts and the experiences from the last three seasons and bring them together into a warm and comforting quilt, a quilt that will both protect us from the cold days ahead as well as nourish our souls through the long winter’s night.

Halloween was and is a favorite time for Jack and I. A time of magic. A night of gouls and goblins but also a time to gather with friends and toast the begining of another season of holiday, childhood fantasy. This is a time when we put our reasoning behind to fly with our hopes and dreams, to enter into a world without the everyday constraints and complications.

It is at this time that my thoughts turn much as the suns angle and become reflective of times past. It is once again time to gather and sort them so that they can be carefully stored in the memories of my mind, yet still kept accessible for times to come when I will need them once again to feed on and gain sustenance from them.

Maybe we should consider the autumn "trick or treat" as an everyday occasion ...

Autumn Memories and More ...

Don’t you find that the more you try to forget the more you seem to remember? Like cleaning out a closet, the more you throw away the more there seems to be. This last year has been a gigantic clearing house for me and it isn’t over yet. What makes it so very different however is the fact that unlike clothing or other tangible objects which can be sent or given away, memories not so much so. Nor do I think that I would really want that anyway. What are we if not our memories? What would we be without them? A blank canvas devoid of shape or color, a mound of raw marble laid waste in a studio, a life form awaiting its birth.

I can tell you that life is beautiful, but that is in the moment. Or I could tell you that you are beautiful but that is my perception. I could merely say that memories are beautiful because they last forever and only improve with age like a fine wine. Memories are magic. They are the song of our souls. They sing to us of other times when life was newer and less tarnished. They tell us stories of better days when the sun shinned brighter and they embrace us in times of sadness and despair.

My memories are also dreams in which I live from time to time, a safe place where I can fly if I like. They are a place of magic and mystery of my own creation, a planet on which I am master of my fate.

If we don’t have dreams then the memories begin to disappear, slowly as if being swallowed by some black hole of despair. It is a kind of antimatter that exists in part in all of us and the universe itself.

My memory today, this morning, was that of a year many ago when the sun had turned its head southwards again and began the annual journey into autumnal magic. The crisp and clear morning air was light and ethereal, and our pilgrimage to the changing leaves up north was underway. With a picnic packed and Jack by my side, we and two good friends would set out for the quest, talking and laughing and napping along the way. How many times had this ritual been performed I can only guess. But each time there was sadness along with the beauty that someday it would in fact only be a treasured memory of times gone by.

As I look in the mirror and ready myself for this new day do you know what I see? I see a face that while weathered by the passage of time is still a vibrant reflection of all that has gone before. What are we if not our memories; I would not wish to be anything else …

Seasons of the Mind

Didn't see that one coming ...

I thought that I had set the course once again and that time would steer me gently into the new direction that I so desperately needed to sail. How juvenile was that?

Things never proceed in one single direction. As a matter of fact life is a totally scattered and messy lot. If you ever think that you know where tomorrow is, think again because it will be elsewhere. Maybe that is what makes it so interesting and so frustrating at the same time.

Once upon a time a long, long time ago I thought that I had figured out what it was that I really wanted out of life but then in the next instant all was gone. Just as a plant or flower leans toward the light we, the same sun worshipers, look to the direction of the warm and nourishing light.

What then is it that calls us to the effort, to the task, to the desire that makes us flesh?

Perhaps it is nothing more than that ecstatic instant when energy becomes love, and that love in turn fulfills us and makes us whole and one.

Being the hopeless romantic I can only hope that life is just that. A reoccurring dream of fulfillment that gently leads us on to the next adventure which will be a reaffirmation of the adventures that have brought us thus far and comfort us in the long nights ahead.

Tide Pools

I was lucky enough recently to spend some time on my cousins boat off the coast of Maine. Strange how time can move sideways when you are in a state of complete relaxation. I hadn't been to Maine in also most 40 years, although I had planned to so many times, so this was another item that I could check off the "bucket list".

While sipping cocktails in the salon and talking of nautical adventures one evening, the topic of tide pools came up. You know the little craters of sea water that are left after the tide recedes. The pools contain tiny and microscopic creatures which exist in an isolated suspension until the next tide comes in to free them. During their time in this calm I wondered what they might be feeling in their new surrounds.The pools while providing a rest bit from the vast expanses of ocean can become a trap as well.

Our lives I think have such pools. When washed out of the norm and swept into a new and different situation we are just the same as the creatures of the pool, left to ponder our existence and it's survival.

Once I thought that I could be happy in such a state of suspension but I have found since that it is not possible. We seem to exist because we must, as if the universe itself is calling us to task, and it is. Of course there are "time outs" in this massive mess of molecules colliding but there is also the need to jump back in and swim again in order stay in step with the tides.

As my short rest bit ended I noticed myself anxiously gearing up for the next tide. And even though my time away was wonderful and even precious, the dawn of the new day was more intoxicating, beckoning me on to swim again in the large and daunting tides of life and feel their
energy ...

Tides and Torrents

Does anybody know exactly where they are at any given moment? I don't! Well maybe let's just say that I'm not where I would like to be, but maybe I am where I should or need to be. When in the world are we really ever where we want to be? I have often thought from one year to another that I am there, only to realize in another instant that I am no where near where I thought that I wanted to be. Ergo, how does one come to know where they are and what they want to be and just exactly when does that moment occur?

About one year ago I was sure that my life had reached it's full potential and that things could never get any better, and I was right. But in the next instant I found myself spiraling into the depth of a depression that threatened to consume me and everything that I had learned to hold dear. What then was the pivot on which my life turned in order to make this kind of reasoning valid? I determined that everything that life that had brought me, to the day, had been chronicled in my being. Every touch and taste, every smell and embrace had taken me to the place that I called perfection. But for every "nirvana" attained there is also a promise of another to be conquered. Eventually we must finally reach the ultimate nirvana which is very simply just our own self realization. Many sages and poets over the years have hinted at one cosmic fact - we, and the universe, only exist because we choose to accept it and therefore give it relevance. Should we choose to ignore our reality than where would we be?

As the summer turns to fall and the sun light changes its angle signaling another season it is then that I take the time to reflect on the victories and failures of the last year. A moment to bring myself to a precipice from which I can view the valleys and mountains, the tides and the torrents that I have sculpted and read their rhythms. Like looking into a maze from above I can see the beginning and the end and most of the paths involved in getting there. To meditate on my memories and to hush my hopes and fears long enough to hear the sounds of the universe, and to take charge of my journey through it. We are all children of time and being such must make the time to feel it. And if we do I think we will find there is no limit to it. Yesterday is just today later, and today is eventually tomorrow, but tomorrow is of our making because of the past. The best part however is that tomorrow is forever. Listen to the calm ...

It was Bastille Day at Kiki's Bistro on the newly anointed Rue du Kiki and I was there with a table of my best and dearest friends. It was crowded and warm in the restaurant because of the large crowd that had gathered for this event, but no one seemed to mind.

Outside the street had been blocked off and there was a celebration of Renaissance acts going on - fire jugglers, minstrels and the like. A feeling of primal energy filled my soul and I began to feel as though I were in another time. A simpler time when people would celebrate thus and drink in the joys of everyday life well lived.

I thought to myself aren't I lucky to be alive right now? I know there are a lot of things that need to be fixed and many problems that need to be addressed but aren't there always? We are ever evolving creatures you and I and in order to evolve we must shed the skins of the past and put on the new and future ones. They may not fit right now but we will undoubtedly grow into them because we must. It can be tiresome, tedious and some times even treacherous but in the end it is worth the effort.

Mankind must persist for the only alternative is to perish. Perhaps with the help of our gods we might just find a way to celebrate together again and drink in the primal energies that have kept us so alive in past decades. Viva la France and vive l'humanite'!

Transitions

Many years ago a friend said to me "you know in my other life things were different". I thought, other life? How many lives do we have or how many are we entitled to?? Are we cats of a different color or maybe it is just that we consider ourselves to be part and parcel of existing conditions and not unique onto ourselves.

Well twenty some years later I finally, I think, deciphered the code. We are in fact products of our own delusions. We think from the crux of our involvements. Should we be singular most of us would be lost, as I have been, in the maze of "ownership of self".

We are a species of connectors. We, I think, are happiest when we have another to tend to - at least I am. When left to our own devices we can become monsters and consume our constituents in order to satisfy our desire for self gratification.

That being said, let me say this. In my many years and many reincarnations I have come to the conclusion that there is one thing that really matters. In my endeavours, in my many life times, and in my many modes, one thing above all has become the overwhelming reason for living and/or going on. Think of it this way - If we are aware and content with ourselves we then connect with the positive elements of our universal conscience. If, however, we are not connected in the positive then we are doomed to a life of discontent. Moreover, this discontent becomes a monster that dominates our existence and in the end consumes us.

So what is the point? Be involved in life, be aware of it, be in the moment. But most of all be kind and considerate, and giving. Because in the end it is that which we have given that might be returned when most needed.

Another Anniversary

Just a thought, but what if that thing that you have been looking for your whole life materialized in front of you right now, today, this very moment. What would you do with it?

This summer, this July, this year to date came upon me unexpectedly and most definitely overwhelmed me. Another anniversary in time. Perhaps the thing that I had desired the most, the other half of me. That thing which had given such joy and purpose to my life but which had departed last year wasn't really gone after all. Perhaps that energy which had been part of my life still existed inside me and is still nourshing me.

Our minds, our sensibilities, really only exist because we choose for them to be here. Should we wish it our world could turn upside down or inside out. Daunting as it might seem there is another side to our universe, our daily muse, and that other side is perhaps the thing that we fear the most. Anything uncontrolled brings with it the possibility of the improbable and therefore the art of the impossible can be and is within our control should we choose to make it so.

I have been a student of life ever since I can remember and while I listened to myself as a young boy I heard other voices in my adolescence. Although I gave myself to others thoughts as a young adult I managed to regain my inner voice in later experiences. Throughout my passage in time one thing remains constant and that is the ever changing lense with which I view life. Sometimes painful, sometimes joyous, but always illuminating and therefore most essential. Our lives and loves, our experiences and journeys are merely a manifestation of our inner essence realized.

Maybe that is why the older I become the younger I feel and the less sustanance I require the more I desire it? Could it be that just as time itself there is a "black hole" in our very essence that requires nothing more than for us to just allow it to be. If we could merely sit for a moment and listen to the sounds of silence, the universal "Omm", than maybe we might understand ourselves a little better. We might then discover our purpose, dispose of our demons and learn to live as the free souls we were indeed intended to be.

I think that I have finally identified my demons and found that they are in fact really only the otherside of me ...

Being There

OK. I know that we all, in our way, deal with life on our own terms but today was another lesson at least for me. Determined not to live [or exist] in a state of blissful sedation, I ventured out into the messy world again, a world that Jack and I had disdained for so many years. Guess what? Life is messy and as long as we chose to exist, to feel and be there in the moment then we must be there every moment.

An old friend, of an old friend, opened up a restaurant recently and I had been neglectful in my absence. Tonight was my long and overdue reservation. Once again long seated energies that existed for so many years resurfaced and gave way yet another and more intimate encounter, a renewal of experiences past in the present.

Some times I think that we take much too much for granted. Everyday and always life needs to be renewed, reassured and, if you will, resurrected. Like any other energy care must be taken or the flame will burn out, the plant will wilt or the essence itself will cease to exist.

These past months have proven to be not so much of a trial as a lesson in living. It is easy to retreat into ourselves and sometimes necessary for brief periods at least. However, time must be taken to "listen to the silence", to "hush" our voices and to be one with forever if only for a moment.

The conclusion that I came to yesterday was that nothing is permanent, that everything is in flux and that tomorrow may not happen. But guess what? After all is said and done tomorrow might just happen in spite and if we aren't ready we will most definitely miss it.

A Midsummer Nights Dream

I had forgotten for a moment but guess what? Midsummer, also known as the summer solstice or the begining of summer, occurs between June 21st and the 23rd, depending on what your ethnic or religious roots are. How exciting that my "Pink Martini" Event is happening just then.

There are times in life when ritual and magic play a very important part. Whether Christian or Jewish, Moslum or Hindu there is a need to express the passage of seasons and the effect that they have on us. From time inmemorial we humans have been searching for answers to how, where and why. But in the end it always leads us back to the begining.

I have stopped asking questions about life. I have now begun to feel the meaning of this mystery, and it is just that. It is not the how as much as the how to. Not so much the where as how to get there. And definitely not the why because that is the reason for the for the first two.

The main reason for the Midsummer, Solstice, or Sukkot was and is a way to mark that time when the sun stands still in the heavens and bestows three days of timelessness. Three days of long and late light that warm us before the slow and deliberate darkness begins again. Three days to throw caution to the wind and revel in the joys and warmth of our new found beginnings. To dance and feast on the abundance of the season. But most of all, a time to gather and celebrate each other and to heal our winter wounds.

So wear your beads and feathers on the 23rd and dance with me in the celebration of life and have a "pink martini" or two ...

A Mosaic of Life

The 4th of July is almost upon us and with it comes many different feelings and memories both happy and sad. It is the birthday of our nation but is also the birthday of a longtime and best friend. For my partner and I it was the date that we choose to celebrate our anniversary. This year has been all about events and celebrations viewed alone with myself for the first time.

As this year has progressed day by day and event by event I have noticed one thing in particular. Life is as full or as empty as we perceive it to be. It is an intricate mosaic. A mosaic which, for better or worse, displays our very souls. Every persons mosaic is unique, unique as their finger prints. They do not merely consist of DNA but rather are woven of everything that we have ever seen, touched or tasted. Every experience that we had throughout our life passage. Much like the universe itself we are star dust and being of such we will shine or diminish accordingly.

My mosaic is quite colorful and full. It has been illuminated by such wonderful remembrances that if it could sing it would. Every tile was cast with the help of great friends and placed with loving care. It is a thing of beauty that when viewed for the first time seems too perfect. But a closer look reveals the cracks and lines that give it dimension. Perfection only exists in eye of the beholder and perfection is merely beauty at its best.

Therefore let us be aware of our lives, every minute, everyday. Let us revel in our existence as if it might be gone tomorrow, because it could. And let us add joy and happiness to each others mosaics so that they might help us in turn to complete our own.

The Jabberwocky

Last evening I was invited to a strange and wonderful event by a dear friend. A shadow puppet production of a Lewis Carroll poem "The Jabberwocky". It is a poem of nonsense verse that amazingly enough makes a lot of sense when spoken correctly for, much as life itself, many times things do not make sense if taken out of context but must rather be viewed from the right perspective

The production was put together by several talented local artists who managed to not only create the puppets and sets but then to execute this delight in a neighborhood automotive garage under the stary canopy of a perfect summers night.

As I watched the play and looked around me I was taken by the colorful variety of individuals and families gathered together for this common cause. Maybe, I thought, this is what life is really about. Not the hurried rush of computer generated images bombarding our minds and thoughts but rather a calm moment in the storm. An Oasis where we can gather as friends and neighbors and share the simple joy of innocent creation and happy conversation.

Happy Birthday!

Today was Jack's birthday. He would have been 61 this year but rather he will remain 60 forever now in my thoughts and memories. Who new that one year could be both so joyful and then in an instant so volatile.

The sadness of autumn has passed and with it my partner. Then the long and tenuous winter which seemed to linger too long gave way to an early but empty spring. Now perched on the cusp of summer I am finding my way into the beginnings of what might be a new direction.

It is said that there is a time and season for everything. Perhaps my time and season are finally at hand. I have said many times that worry and remorse are only good for those who enjoy reveling in them. I don't. Rather I would look to the summer sky and see in it hope of new days in the sun, to smell the aromas of summer feasts and delight in their tastes, and to touch and feel the warmth of friendships and revel in their consolations and encouragements. Memories of past embraces will of course never die nor should they but new experiences must be allowed to enter lest they and we cease to exist.

Today yet another spring storm has passed by and the song of our robin in the ash tree is telling me that it is time to open the doors and windows and let the fresh, and newly energised breath of the season into our house. The sun is piercing the dark clouds and a shaft of light is illuminating my paper lanterns on the deck. There seems to be a promise of an even more beautiful day tomorrow and, if I am really lucky, there just might be a rainbow too.

Rainy Days

It is raining and I am sitting on my deck under the awning enjoying the sounds of the rain and the silence it brings with it. The paper lanterns from the "Spring Gathering" are wet and glistening and the Azaleas have lost their bloom, but there is still the feeling of regeneration that comes with the spring and its turmoil.

It is also Memorial Day and some how rain and Memorial Day are synonymous to me. Over the years I remember looking forward to this long anticipated holiday weekend. A weekend that would free me from the chains of education otherwise know as grade school. Only to find that I was once again restrained but this time by nature and her elements.

Life I have found is not necessarily a venue for wishes and desires but rather more a primer for how to live it and a rehearsal for how we end it.

What would you do if everyday could be a day in the sun, if every holiday could be filled to the brim with joy and laughter, and if all your dreams could immediately come true? I have and I must tell you it all exists if you want it to. There is no one else that can conjure it for you. We are the stuff that dreams are made of and it is we who make those dreams.

So then, let me leave you with this. There is a saying that goes "be careful what you wish for because you might just get it". And, if I may, do wish and wish as hard as you can ...

Happy Memorial Day!

Try to remember

In a moment it will be Memorial Day again and with it will come rememberances both joyous and sad. A time to let both the victory's and the defeats of the last years linger on our tongues as either vintage wine or soured grape. But whether we choose to celebrate or regret it is still a time of contemplation and reflection.

Today as I spent a leisurely day with friends in the Pacific Northwest I found myself to be both happy and a little sad. Happy to be so lucky as to be able to enjoy the company of such good friends in such a hauntingly beautiful surround but sad that my time is limited. Maybe, I thought, it is not so much the time and place that is important but rather the intensity of the connection to these emotional ties that makes for the glorious moments that nuture our souls and give us the stuff to fuel our tomorrows.

Perhaps we should not be complacent in our memories but rather active in their regeneration and proliferation. Everyday is a new chance to reach out to both the past and to the future. For by reaching in both directions I have found that I achieve the balance to walk steady through the present day and am reassured that tomorrow will become even more practiced should I choose it to be so. Life is meant to be lived and loved, and savoured and I would not have it any other way.

Today and Tomorrow

I was sitting tonight with friends, and a few new acquaintances, after a long day of eager anticipation and many hours of self analyzation. It reminded me of a day many years ago when I sat similarly in a cafe in Rio de Janeiro. There are Avenues in Rio that act as hubs leading from the beach to home but they are also conduits that keep open the energies that I belive are essential to maintainging a healthy flow. It was at once again a spontaneous gathering of strangers and friends who, for a brief moment in time, connected in the seemingly endless turmoil that is life. This was one of those days that cannot be held to task. A day so light and enlightened that it must revel in it's own magnitude for it has given to me a new lease on what I choose to call my after life.

That moment in time, in Brazil, with that special person must live on and unless I am ready to quite neither will it. There is more to life than the daily "ebb and flow". There is also the accumulation as well as the culmination of all that is and has been good, and will, and should remain alive within us.

So a toast today to us and to they who have illuminated our lives. They who have painted on our canvas with such joy that even after they have gone will most definitely live on with us through our forevers.

A Reflection on Time

What would you say if I told you that time is mostly irrelevant? That what really matters is our perception of it.

When I was a young boy I found that I could extend time by standing still. As a young man I found the way to stretch time was to be complacent. But as an older man I now see that time is the means to an end. Some times it needs to be romanced, to be enjoyed and reveled in whether past, present or in the future for it is a quantity that most assuredly will not always be with us.

Today I sit and remember so many sad and happy times from past adventures and venues that have grown together to weave the fabric of my life. Today and tomorrow I will be venturing into even more rich and wonderful territories, places and experiences that can only add to it and thus embellish it.

I now know that time is a vessel that holds our soul in suspension. It is the pot in which we place the soil of life and nurtures the seeds from which grow our experiences. It catches the waters of emotion and grows our very being.

So let us dance through this day and sing of others. Plant our seeds today so that they can be harvested tomorrow, remembering that we are in fact just children of this universe from which we came and to where we will finally return as star dust.

A Perfect Day

I have always maintained that if one has a positive attitude and is of good spirit than an aurora exists around them which can be see by others and will thus lead to positive encounters ...

It is Cinco de Mayo today three days after my day of perfection. It has been so long that true joy has filtered through my days of desperation but it feels like the touch of an old friend who has returned. A feeling that resonates in both mind and body.

Last Sunday the day began at 6am when I was awakened by the song of birds signing just outside my window. It seems that they already new that this would be an exceptional day, a day that had been so long waited. I had decided to welcome the spring by having an afternoon party and invited friends to join me in the opening of my house and gardens to the season.

The preparations were mostly done. The new fountain was standing strong in the back garden beckoning the robins to join in my celebration and I was rushing around to make sure that everything was perfect. This was the day that our cherry tree usually puts on its coat of blossoms and the rhododendron bursts forth in a profusion of color as if blushing at the spectacle. That was other years however, this year nature bloomed prematurely. Never the less their bloom still resonated in my mind and the azaleas framing the deck and garden more than made up for my disappointment, after all it was still going to be a perfect day.

Than came the gathering, a gathering of friends old and new. Friends that had seen me through this and many other long winters. Friends who bought with them their own blooms of joy to this celebration of life. As the afternoon turned towards twilight the lanterns glow illuminated the deck and the guests began to dwindle. I sat with my entourage and talked of celebrations past, some almost ancient now but none the less decades of joy and laughter that are still alive in the shadows of my mind. Days of light and laughter that do not fade away as long as there is life.

That night my "entourage" and I set out to extend this perfect day not wanting to let it end. I felt as though I was being transported to another perfect day that I remember so vividly 28 years ago when I met my soul mate, the love of my life. With a single glance he had made that day perfect - that was then. But wait, as I stood with my entourage, dressed in my white linens and my straw hat and feeling every bit the part a tall and handsome stranger came out of the crowd and walked towards us. He stopped in front of me and said at once "I like your hat. You are very handsome in it". Was this a perfect end to an already perfect day? I hope not I thought, but it could be the beginning of another.

The Inner Space

There is a time - There is a place
But more than these an inner space

A space so vast and yet so small that in times of need we can build a wall

A wall that protects and isolates

Provides a refuge from ignorance and hate

When the winters of life become too long

We desire to hear the robins song

A song of hope, a song of love

A song that heals us from above

The time is spring, the place is here
The inner space our inner ear
The wall is strength from deep within

The universe is our next of kin

An Early Spring

It is April 16th and I am sitting on our tranquil and sequestered deck watching nature in all it's beauty unfold before me. Although rather early, the Rhododendron and the Cherry Tree are in full bloom and a chubby bumble bee is already eagerly collecting nectar. I have impatiently planted the planters and am looking forward to this new again season.

There is something however that is missing this year. That which in past seasons made it all so special. I still put on my summer face and dress the house and yard with traditions long kept but this time they are a little less important. I think that maybe we take too much for granted in our daily patter and, until it is brought to our attention, fail to realize what we have and how important it is to us. While I will sing of the spring this year again and revel in it's beauty I will also remember springs past. Moments of joy and beauty that will not be here this year but will echo in my memories of them and will press me to journey on to the next season and it's special memories as well. For as long as we press on we are still part of this present.

Step by step we all journey on to the next season. Either gleaning from it joy or rejecting it as sorrow. But in the end it will bring us to a conclusion, an extension or hopefully a reconciliation. What was is no longer and that which might be could still, but that which is truly desired can and will be. As long as the sun shines warm on our face and the soft breeze caresses our hair, the energy is still with us and indeed within us. We carry dreams of a life of experience which like a great book can be conjured up at any moment to comfort and confront life's many challenges.

THE ART OF LIVING IN THE MILLENNIUM

Just what in fact is the art of living in the millennium? I have been asked this question many times and my response is always the same and it is always different too. Each one of us has our own way of coping with life’s challenges and each in turn a special place kept safe in their hearts that allows the universe to pass through their lives without grounding that energy and keeping them safe. For me that special place has always been the ability to ride on the tides of time, to embrace every day as a new beginning and to except life’s obstacles for what they are – potential opportunities to grow although this last year has more than tested my ability to coup.

So there you have it “the art of living in the millennium” is merely nothing more than the art of “surviving it" …

A Celebration of Spring

And so it is Easter the moveable feast that occurs in the month named for Ostre the pagan goddess of the dawn. Passover is drawing to an end and with it we have passed over to the season of resurrection and renewal once again. That circle of life so to speak. And as the Sun shines down the Earth awakens and Winter's memory melts. It is time to break out! Feel alive and enter into the dance of life again. Listen to the rhythms of the Earth and connect with our inner exuberance. The Earth is surging with vital energy and in turn so should we.

We are alive on this green planet called Earth and we have every reason to celebrate. What ever we call it - Easter, Passover, Beltane or Ostara - the Spring is within us not merely around us. Listen to the outward signs of the universe and then seek their answering echoes within. Listen to the calm ... Ommmm

Take It Slow

A much needed Spring came early this year to the Midwest. As if sensing the need mother nature anointed us with the miracle of renewal and regeneration. Now mind you I am being a little selfish here, or maybe I should say self indulgent as the rest of the nation has certainly had it's challenges. You see this last year, I feel, was a year that should not have existed and should most definitely be stricken from all records and remembrances. For just as Don McLean's composition "Bye bye, Miss American Pie" expounds on the 60's and 70's I think that the year 2009 must sum up the disappointments of the decades that preceded and perhaps was manifested by them.

A much needed serenity has descended upon me this Vernal Equinox. For as the sun passes over the Earth's equator it gives us the sign that not only will our physical food supplies be restored but also our spiritual essences, much as those of the ancient civilizations before us, become fertile again. As I move forward I feel that I must not only weigh things more judiciously but also will become more prudent in my judgements.

Once upon a time not so long ago "the music used to make me smile" and now it has the chance to do so again. Maybe this is "the dawning of the Age of Aquarius". Time to "let the sun shine in" again? This time however I have new lyrics. They are inspired by a group called Pink Martini and this is what they say -

"Life is moving oh so fast I think we should take it slow,

rest our heads upon the grass and listen to it grow".

The Incredible Lightness of Being

Have you ever stood on the banks of Lake Como and seen the bonfires of Bellagio envelope the village in a gauze like haze, or immersed yourself in the smells and flavors of a Florentine evening out?

When was the last time you saw San Giorgio transfixed by the fiery sunrise of a Venetian Lagoon, floating on a mist of ether, ablaze with the molten surf of the sun?

I have seen these and much more. I have watched the Joshua Trees bloom in the high desert while floating on a sea of frozen sand and drank brandy at a travertine bar overlooking the Copacabana in Rio. I have played in the redwood forests of the Russian River and have eaten fresh caught Salmon in the villages of Napa Sonoma. But none of these sights, sounds and senses would have been realized in their true depths if it had not been for my other half, my soul mate, my life time friend.

Together we would travel the world and revel in its delights. When storm clouds would appear we would take shelter in each other’s arms. And when all else failed we would find comfort in our togetherness.

At sunset I sit many times transfixed by those lifelong remembrances that were realized in his eyes and gifted through his touch. My life has been so enhanced because of him and is still a testament to him for by myself I am adequate but with him I am great.

Should you ever have the privilege to share in passion this thing called life do not hesitate to embrace it. But rather run towards it for it is sure to make yours a much fuller journey and will most assuredly give wings to your flight.

Desert Spirits

If you have not been to the Mohave desert you must venture there. To be kissed in the morning by a crisp, cool breeze fresh from the mountains purified by pine trees and energized by the mountain itself. To be warmed and tanned at mid day by the same lithe air is an experience that cannot be found anywhere else. There is tranquility in the vastness of its spaces and energy in its awesome presence. To see the Joshua Tree blooming at twilight in the high desert on a sea of sand which has momentarily been glazed by a winter's frost. It is truly "other worldly".

My first time to the desert was with Jack. He was a child of the desert and, in his own way, taught me its magic and charm. Our many trips to this "paradise lost" gave us the peace and serenity needed to comfort our otherwise hectic existence back home in Chicago. While we had made life together in the City of Big Shoulders it was somehow a compilation of the parts and pieces that we had gleaned from out travels. But it took the desert spirit to make the magic for me.

The dream world to the desert people was just as real as the physical world. Through dreams they could travel back to the time of creation and learn the meaning of things. They could learn of gifts they had been given. In its solace the desert has allowed me to travel through my thoughts and even time itself in order to rekindle moment's lost and found. And to embrace a future that is fueled by these remembrances.

According to the ancients in First Times, there was chaos. And from the union of Earth andn Sky was born the Great Spirit of the Desert. I believe that the Great Spirit lives on and is forever watchful. How else could this desert paradise exist?

A Desert Song

My dearest Jack the desert seems emptier without you by my side these days. The purple mountains seem to mourn you as much as I do. Their lofty peaks covered with the snow of a thousand tears that I have shed.

But when I see you in the mountain face and feel your warmth in the noon day sun of February I feel comforted. Your energy is still here in the buzzing of the hummingbirds and your spirit watches over me as the clouds rise above the desert on warm breezes that whisper your name.

Would that we could be one again and play in the pines of Idyllwild venturing ever on together towards the summit; To sit on a precipice in the clouds and stare down at the high desert of Joshua Tree; To be alone as one with nature and time.

Reflections on Perfection

It is now January 10th and the holidays are finally over. The new snow of this new decade has fallen covering that of the last.

It has been 2 months now that my world came crashing down and taking with it my beloved friend and life partner Jack. The terrible pain of that moment still lives in my thoughts and no doubt always will. But as the new year and new decade begins it's life I have found that I too have begun to live again. Slowly, as if looking out from a bomb shelter after a nuclear blast, I begin again to build a new life, but one that will now be missing a key ingredient which made my past one so purposeful.

How does one begin again after experiencing such perfection?

Just as the snows and cold of the Winter anesthetize and encapsulate, the Spring will soon gently revitalize and rejuvenate. The rich soil that was created from that past perfect blend can most surely nurture and grow something new. It is not that the past energy is gone but rather that it lives on in the new growth and therefore makes it stronger and more determined. I tell myself this as a general might do to rally his troops but with some trepidation since I cannot be sure of where the road might lead. The one thing of which I am sure is that it will take me forward and that is a good thing. The alternative is to stand stagnant and become part of the past.